


Homeplate

by FarJadeDragon



Series: BLU Team Adventures [3]
Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Alcohol, Cherry-picked cannon details, Domestic Fluff, Drinking, Fluff, Freedom Fries - Freeform, Grocery Shopping, Hats, Implied/Referenced Character Death, I’ll label it in the notes of each chapter, Kinda, M/M, New Spy, Nicknames, Open to criticism, Scout is a wingman, Scout is being helpful for once, Sniper still has anxiety, Soldier x Spy, Spy oc - Freeform, Spy oc x Soldier, Spy x Soldier, Team Bonding, alcohol use, cannon what cannon, i have no idea where this story is going, it’s mostly from Scout’s POV though, shifting pov, storybeat, tags to be added later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:02:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24275548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarJadeDragon/pseuds/FarJadeDragon
Summary: Scout and Spy go grocery shopping and Soldier learns something about dating.Or:Scout plays matchmaker.
Series: BLU Team Adventures [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1730344
Comments: 10
Kudos: 18





	1. Grocery list

**Author's Note:**

> First time doing any sort of romance so... yea. Starts off slow, but picks up after chapter one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scout’s POV

This new spy is weird. He ain’t an asshole like the old one. this guy actually said yes to playin’ ball with me. Even after I hit him in the nuts, he still wanted to play ball! He must think I’m awesome or something! Or he’s just really stinken’ nice for some reason. I mean, he is, but I’m sure he just hangs out with me because I’m awesome. Or because Soldier's quality time consists of tryin’ to teach everyone how to rocket jump and he’s hiding from him. Yea that’s probably why.

Still kinda bothers me that the old spy kicked the bucket. He was a good guy, despite leaving me to be eaten by a stupid yeti! Can you believe it? I should’ve beaten his face in with a frying pan when we got back to the base. I still don’t like caves because of him!

...I still kinda miss him. Dunno why, Snake was an asshole, but I still feel kinda bad he died. The team’s been a whole lot less fun without him. Sniper started to suck, Soldier was actually quiet for once, even Doc seemed a little down in the dumps. I don’t even know what happened to Spy! I think he got shot in the head? I wasn’t really paying attention when Hardhat was telling me what happened. Some guy named Clauden was stealing his tech? Who cares! He’s dead too! 

At least Snipes doesn’t suck anymore, thanks to a gift I got him! Okay, technically Spy got him a gift, but I wrapped it! Well, me and Soldier wrapped it, and we kinda did a sucky job at it- you know what never mind. Snipes doesn’t suck anymore, that's all that matters! And Spy sucks a little less now! He still sucks, but not as much.

Anyways, yea. The new spy likes to play baseball! Which is great, because nobody else in this whole stinking place does! It’s like a breath of fresh air! Until I hit him in the nuts. Again. For like the fifth time today. Like, seriously! The guy’s pelvis is like a ball magnet! I don’t even know why he still bothers playing with me. At this rate he’s never gonna be able to date anyone.

So anyways there he is, curled up on the ground, probably begging for mercy or something. I mean, I’m sure it hurts a lot, gettn’ hit in the nuts. Honestly I’m not really sure why he keeps playn’.

“Scout I think you should aim… higher…” He mumbled, still curled up in the ground like a big baby.

“Oh c’mon! I’m sure it ain’t that bad!” I said, picking up the bat and getting behind the trash can lid we use as the home plate. “Try t’chuck it again! This time it’ll go above ya I promise!”

He didn’t look too enthusiastic about the whole thing, If I was gonna to be honest. He kinda looked goofy, standing there in the sun with a scared look on his face and wearing the same stupid hat me and Soldier got ‘em. I’m actually surprised he wore the thing to be honest. Thing’s ugly! I was gonna get him a cool baseball cap, but for some stupid reason Soldier insited on that one. Said he saw Spy checkn’ it out when he went back to get him. I say bullshit. Soldier can’t see anything past that stupid helmet of his anyway.

“...May I be the one who hits the ball?” He asked. Guess he thinks he could do better. That or he was sick of getting hit in the nuts and wanted revenge. Didn't matter, I could pitch a lot better than he could ever dream of!

“It’s called th’ “batter”, and sure!” I said, changing places with him and handing him the bat.

I got in position, scraping my shoes on the ground like a bull. I look over at him. He was standing to the side of the plate, half-turned towards me. He had a determined look, helped by the fact he has a cool scar on his face. It would’ve looked a lot more intimidating if he actually knew how to hold the bat. I’m sure he’s killed someone with a bat before, but he was still holding it wrong. Guess he was tryn’ to copy how I stood.

Probably should’ve showed him the ropes before we swapped positions. It was pretty obvious to anyone with half and eyeball that this guy never held a bat in his life. Or at least, never held one to play ball before.

Nah, he’ll be fine! He managed to learn how the fighting works… kinda. Okay bad example! He’s good at getting used to stuff, that's what I’m trying to get at! He can, like, adapt to stuff! Like this!

I chucked the ball at him. Probably should’ve given him a heads-up before I threw it, but I’m sure he’ll be fine. He’s dodged the arrows the RED Sniper shoot sometimes. Shit’s hard to dodge! So he should’ve been able to dodge that. Maybe block it with the bat or somethn’.

Okay I definitely should’ve at least waited for him to say he was ready. Poor guy didn’t even have time to duck before a 90-mile fastball him him square in the eye. He fell backwards like a sack of bricks, hit hat flyn’ off of his head and landing in the sand.

I ran over to him. Man medic is gonna be so mad that I maybe broke somebody’s face outside of battle. Well maybe not, he’s kinda weird about that. Sometimes he gets angry if we get hurt outside of battle, sometimes he’s really happy. It’s kinda like he’s got bipolar or some- hey Spy’s not dead.

“Ya ‘aight?” I said, shaking his shoulder a bit. He opened an eye, looking a bit dazed. Just one eye though, ‘cause the other one was starting to swell shut. Ball must’ve given him a black eye. And a concussion. And a fractured eye socket. “Ya look like someone punched ya in the face!”

“I’m… alright.” He said, sitting up and rubbing his bruising face. He picked up his hat, which was all crumpled and dirty now. Kinda felt bad to be honest.

Man he’s really calm for a guy who just got beaned in the face by an expertly-thrown baseball. Kinda expected him to yell at me a lot more. Hope I didn’t break his brain or something like that. Hardhat and Snipe’d kill me if I killed the new spy. Well he ain’t really that new, he’s been here a few weeks… nah he’s still the new guy. Just glad I’m not the newest member anymore. I was only newest by a week, but still.

“-Although I think we may need to get a… baseball helmet? Is that a thing?”

Well, duh! What does he think the batters wear when they’re knockn’ balls outta the park? Pillows?! This guy’s a moron! Okay that’s a little mean. Maybe where he’s from they don’t play baseball. Where the hell is he from where they don’t play baseball? Kentucky?! Wait that’s in the USA, I think. I’d go ask Soldier but I don’t feel like gettn’ a lecture about the stuped states again.

“Well, duh! Of course they have helmets!” I said, grinning. Kinda nice that I’m not the one askn’ stupid questions for once. “Just never got one, ‘cause I never needed it.” 

He just kinda nodded. Guy had the patience of a rock. And the brains. Seriously who doesn’t know what a baseball helmet is? Anyone who’s ever been out the door for more than three minutes knows what a baseball helmet is! Okay Soldier didn’t but he’s fricken’ Soldier! That guy barely knows how to use the keypad on the front door! Plus I don’t think he even knows what safety is so yea.

Spy does kinda have a point though. Honestly the others never play ball with me anymore since I always hit them in the nuts by accident. Well it’s usually by accident anyway. Sometimes they can be real dicks, so I gotta remind them who they’re messn’ with! By hittin’ them in the dick. Wait what was I doing again? Somethn’ ‘bout a helmet?

Oh yea. This Spy’s the only person who’s played multiple games with me. Kinda sucks, since he’s so slow, but ya get what ya get. Gettn’ him a helmet might just make this more fun. He won’t be so scared of gettn’ hit, and I’ll have a baseball buddy! Win-win for the both of us! Maybe I can even get him a bat so he won’t have to use mine anymore! Wonder if he likes baseball cards.

Wow that bruise really looks painful. It was all black and puffy and I think it was bleedn’ a little bit. Maybe we should go get him an Ice pack or something. Yea I should probably do that. Maybe even a band-aid if I can sneak into Medic’s without getting caught. THat’s probably a no.

I grabbed onto his hand and led ‘em to the kitchen. I know he probably knows where it is, but I didn’t wanna get yelled at by any of the other guys, so I took him the secret way. I mean, it wasn’t really a secret, it’s just a longer way that usual. Ya go around the back instead of going through where the rooms are. Still avoided everyone, So I count that as a win. Well, Cyclops was in the kitchen, but he’s always drunk so he probably won’t even be a problem.

I snagged some ice from the freezer and gave it to Spy. He mumbled a thanks and sat down at the little dining table in the kitchen where demo was at, holding the clump of ice cubes up to his black eye. Was I supposed to wrap that in something? I think so. Medic said something ‘bout wrappin’ the ice. Nah, it’ll be fine. It’s just a bit messy that’s all.

“So ya feel better?” I asked, grabbing a can of Bonk! For myself. Can’t believe this guy didn’t want any! It was cherry flavored! The best flavor! Who doesn’t like cherry?!

“Yes.” He said, switching hands. “Thank you.”

“No problem!”

I sat down, opening my can. It made that wonderful hissing noise that all good stuff makes. Except snakes. Fuck snakes. Dunno why Sniper likes the rattlesnakes here so much.

“Wot...wot happened to ‘em?” Demo asked, drunk as all hell. Surprised he could even drink like that after yesterday. Guy must have a liver of gold! Man I wish I could drink like that but no I end up throwin’ up half of my gut. Stupid weak stomach.

“He’ll be fine!” I said. “He just got hit in the face with a baseball ‘cause he can’t hit to save his life.”

Demo nodded, then just passed out. Spy gave him a worried look, wincing once he realized Cyclops just spilled whatever he was drinking. Spy doesn’t really drink that much does he? Wonder what he’s like drunk. Maybe he cries a lot. Yea, he seems like the kinda guy that cries when he’s really drunk. Or maybe he gets really angry! That would be funny as hell! Or maybe he just gets all giggly. I should find out later! Yea I can get him to drive to a bar and get ‘em drunk! Sounds like a plan!

“Don’tcha worry ‘bout him!” I said, chugging my delicious Bonk! that nobody likes for some reason. “He’s always like that!”

“Just because he’s always like that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing.” Spy said, poking his bruise. “Ow.”

Okay so his bruise is not as swollen as it used to be. That, or the mask is just hiding most of it. Probably the mask. Wonder what he looks like without a mask on. Never saw the old Spy on without his. Do all Spys do that or is it just these two? I mean, I could ask but I don’t wanna be weird. Also why did he poke the bruise? Even Soldier knows that’s probably a bad idea! I mean he can’t really see the bruise so maybe he was trying to find where it was? I dunno this guys weird. Not Pyro weird, but like, Sniper weird. At least this guy doesn’t throw jars of piss at people. That’s nasty.

“Scout, what happened?” A voice behind me said. Sounded like Hardhat.

“Uh…” I said, rubbing the back of my neck. “He hit himself in the face with a ball.”

Engie raised a skeptical eyebrow. He didn’t believe me. I mean, I’m not surprised. The guy went to college and I can barely read. For once though I want him to believe me when I tell him something. I ain’t always lying!

“He hit me in the face with a ball.” Spy mumbled. “It was… unintentional.”

“Dude! Ya where supposed to back me up man!” I said. He ratted me out! That slimy snake! He’s supposed to be good at lying right?

“Son, what did Medic say about hurting people outside of battle?” Engie said. He didn’t look mad, just disappointed, which hurt a lot more. Man if this guy wasn’t the most dad-like not-dad on the entire stinkn’ planet. It’s actually kinda annoying.

“Not to hurt people…” I mumbled. “But we were gonna get him a helmet! We just gotta borrow your truck!” I was trying to save my butt. I mean, that wasn’t a lie, but i wasn’t plannin’ on going to the store today. I wanted to get a few more games in and maybe show Spy my baseball card collection.

Engie just sighed. He didn’t immediately say no, so he might say yes. Wait he’s still thinking, that means i gotta do something for him. Man I swear if we have to go grocery shopping-

“You can borrow my truck-” Engie said, but I interrupted him.

“WHOO!” I said, pumping my fist into the air. This was gonna be a smooth ride. Maybe I can even get Spy to-

“But.” He said. Dammit! There’s always a but. “You have to do grocery shopping, since you’ve been shirkn’ your work lately.”

“But I didn’t! I cleaned the bathrooms didn’t I?”

“I cleaned the bathrooms.”

Shit. That little lie didn’t work. I knew somebody else did it, but I kinda hoped it was somebody who didn’t complain, like Spy or Heavy. They’re always doing the cleanin’ stuff.

“Fiiiinnne.” I said, still not wanting to do grocery shopping. Man, this trip is gonna take forever! “I’ll go get the stupid groceries.”

Engie handed me a very long list of garbage I gotta go get. Everybody’s handwriting was on it, even Soldier’s. Problem was I couldn't read it. I mean, Soldier can’t write so I wouldn't be able to read his anyway, but still. 

“Why is it so goddamn long?!” I complained. It’s never this long when everybody else has to do it. “I can’t read halfa it anyway!” 

“We’re changin’ bases in a few days, that’s why.” Engie said, crossing his arms. “Besides, Spah can read can’t he? You can just bring him.”

“But he’s so slow- wait we’re changin’ bases? Where are we goin’?”

“Coldfront.”

“Coldfront?! Man I hate that place! It’s too stinkn’n… cold.”

“It’s what the administrator wants.” Hw turned to leave.

No wonder there were so many cans on the list. Ya mean to tell me i gotta bring the slow-ass Spy with me and deal with the stupid list?! This is bullshit. Why can’t anyone else do it?! At least I get to drive his truck.

“Oh and Spy?” Engie said. Spy perked up a bit, look’ a whole lot less dazed than before.

“Yes?” Spy said, confused.

“Make sure Scout doesn’t drive.”

“Alright.”

“WHAT!” I yelled. ‘I can’t even drive ya stupid-”

Engie was gone, leaving me standin’ in the middle of the kitchen, mad out of my mind. I don’t even get to drive and I gotta go grocery shopping with the slow stinkn’ snake. Calling Spy “snake” feels a bit weird now. I mean, it’s only weird because I called the old Spy “snake.” Maybe i can call this one a new name. Lizard? They’re cold-blooded right? Yea! Lizard! Fits him I think.

Okay, so Lizard has to drive the truck. Imma go grab some grub, and we’ll hit the road. This is gonna suck.

“Can ye get me a… scrumpy?” Demo slurred from the table. Honestly I kinda forgot ‘bout him. I thought he was asleep.

“Yea!” I said, writing it down. I guess I should walk around and see if anyone’s missing anything from the list. Or I can say “fuck it” and just go to the store. Yea, if it ain’t on the list I ain’t gettn’ it!

“What… happened to his face?” Snipes said, sounding concerned.

I spun around. Apparently Sniper had walked in but holy shit I didn’t even realized he was in here how the hell-

“I think he got slashed on the face with a knife” I said. “Ya know that scar on your neck? Like that but with one knife instead of… like three knives.”

“I was talking about the bruise.” Snipes said, looking annoyed now. He rubbed his neck. The scar on his neck was mostly hidden by his shirt, but it was still kinda obvious if ya stare at him for more than two seconds. Not sure why he wanted to hide it so badly. It made him look like a badass.

“Oh, that. He didn’t catch a ball that I threw at ‘em.” I said. 

Sniper just shook his head and opened the fridge. He closed it, holding a beer in his hand and a slice of ham. He was about to walk away before he noticed the paper I was holden’.

“Ya goin’ shopping?” He asked, opening the beer and taking a sip.

“Yea!” I said. “Ya need something? I gotta get a lota stuff since we’re moving bases.”

Sniper gave me a confused look. He took another sip of his drink, then looked worried about somethn’. I mean, he’s always worried about sometn’, but now he looks real worried.

“Already? We just got to this one a few bloody weeks ago!” He said. He looked over at Spy, who just gave him a shrug.

“Weird right?” I said. “We’re goin’ to Coldfront too!”

“Bloody hell.” Sniper groaned. He hated the cold as much as I do. Honestly the only people who're happy in the cold is Heavy and Medic.

“Just… get some extra jars.” Sniper grumbled, wandering off with his ham and beer.

I wrote down “Jars.” Pretty sure I spelled that wrong but who cares. As long as it’s on the list it didn’t matter that much. I started thinking about what other people would need. I need some more Bonk!, Solider wants canned food, Sniper wanted his piss jars…

Huh. This’ll be a snap, since most people just want some canned food and beer. Maybe we’ll be able to pick extra stuff up too!

I looked over at Spy. He glanced up from whatever the hell he was doing, eyebrows raised in question.

“Ya ready Lizard?” I said, checking the pantry one last time for anything we might be missing.

“Y- lizard?” He said, standing up. “Why did you call me Lizard?”

“It’s a nickname! Ya like it?”

I was already heading out to Engie’s truck before I could hear his answer. Once Lizard gets here we can get on the road and hurry this stupid thing up!


	2. New Wingman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spy and Scout finish their shopping, and Solider asks for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scout’s POV

I’m still mad Hardhat wouldn’t let me drive! I’m 27 years old! I’m trustworthy! I’ve only crashed it like, nine times! And the last time it wasn’t even my fault, but no! Lizard here gets to drive but I don't! It ain’t fair. Whatever, I didn’t wanna drive his piece of junk anyway.

Seriously, how comes this joker gets to drive! Lookit him, all smug and stupid and… ya know, he actually doesn’t look all that smug. He kinda looks worried honestly, like he just remembered he left the fridge open or the water runnin’ or somethin’ like that. Maybe he’s scared of cars? Who knows. Maybe he just has a resting concerned face.

Anyway, I finished the list! It’s all right here. It’s mostly just the usual stuff like bread, eggs, and a buncha canned food. But then ya got some weird stuff. Snipers wanted his jars, Medic needed toung… toug… tung…The wooden stick things, and Soldier wanted honey. Maybe I shouldn’t get Soldier the honey. The last time he got his hands on some he refused to wear clothes for a week. Even Sniper was sick of it by that point, and he sleeps naked.

“So, are we there yet?” I asked Spy. I know we weren’t but I was getting really bored just sitting here and doin’ nothin’.

“Hmm? No, not yet.” He said, tapping his thumbs on the steering wheel.

More silence. Man this guy’s gonna kill me if I don’t strike up a conversation with him. How does he even stand it? I know he’s a spy and all, but c’mon! Not even music? Does this guy even know there’s a radio? He’s been here nearly four weeks! He’s gotta know about the radio!

I sunk lower in my chair, crossing my arms. We’re only halfway there and I’m bored! This guy is boring when he isn’t gettn’ hit in the nuts with a baseball! What does this guy even do outside of his job? Anything?

I grinned, getting an idea. Maybe I can just bug him with questions now. I mean, we still got like twenty minutes right? Plenty of time to ask some questions! 

“So…” I said, stretching out and putting my hands behind my head. “How old are ya?”

“Why do you want to know?” He said, keeping his eyes on the road.

“I just wanted to know if I was older. I mean, I’m 27! It would be kinda funny if you were younger than that. Then Heavy can’t call me ‘leetle baby’ anymore!”

He just nodded, his eyes still locked on the road. He didn’t really look like he felt like answerin’ my questions right now, but he ain’t gonna get away this easily! Maybe I’ll just change the subject.

“So what do you and Soldier do when he takes ya trainin’?” I asked, giving him my thousand-watt smile that always gets people talkin’.

“He’s… trying to teach me how to rocket jump.” He said, glancing at me before returning his eyes to the road. “Although I’m not strong enough to lift the launcher, so I just sort of watch him show me.”

“Sounds terrible.” I said, cringing at just the thought.

“It’s… different, but it’s not terrible, no. He’s very... passionate…”

“Yea that’s one way to put it. I’d personally call ‘em ‘crazy’, but passionate sounds nicer.”

Spy adjusted his hat, flattening out the brim with his fingers. Honestly, that hat was so beat-up and wrinkled he’ll be fixing the brim forever. He sighed, catching my attention again.

“I’m not… entirely sure why he wants me to learn so badly.” Spy said.

“I dunno.” I responded. “Maybe he likes ya or somethin’?”

Spy didn’t really answer. He just kinda kept driving. He still looked kinda tired to be honest, and the black eye ain’t really helping his looks.

Why is Soldier hangin’ out with him so much? He hated the old spy, called him a frenchie and everything. Kinda funny how he’s nice to this one. Maybe it’s because he said yes to the training? I mean, I said yes once too, but that was a mistake. This guy just kept going back.

“Maybe it’s ‘cause you like him?” I suggested. I mean, Spy keeps sayin’ yes to the training.

“I suppose I do.” Spy said, thinking. “He is… oddly genuine. He doesn’t seem to like lying.”

“Or he don’t know how to.”

“He’s… straightforward. Straightforward and brash, and surprisingly kind-hearted given his job…”

He tugged at his suit collar, tryin’ to air himself out from the summer heat. He looked a bit uncomfortable. Probably because he’s wearin’ a suit in the desert! Not the brightest.

“And strong…” He added, putting both hands on the steering wheel again. His face was a bit red from the heat. I hope the store has AC or somethin’.

“Didn’t he try givin’ Sniper one of his rabid raccoons?”

“Well… yes, but It wasn’t out of malice. It was out of genuine care for his teammate.”

“Huh. Ya have a point there.”

Guess I underestimated Solder a bit. I mean, he is too stupid to know how to lie. He never really hides anything, and he went after Snipes and Lizard here once he realized where they were going. He’s still an idiot though. I mean, who goes after someone like that? Nobody! Well, unless they cared.

I was thinking. Why does Soldier care so much about his team? I mean, I like them too, but they can really botha me sometimes. One time Mumbles and Cyclops burned half of my cards! Can you believe it! They helped pay for ‘em but still! I had Babe Ruth in there! Still bothers me sometimes.

I was going to ask him some more questions, but we were already at the store. Turns out the little town south of us had a really cool Mega-mart next to the mall. Unlike the mall, the Mega-Mart actually had some decent construction. And no giant racoons tryin’ to eat us! That’s a relief. I didn’t bring my scattershot this time and I really don’t feel like havin’ to figure out how to use the butterfly-knife that the old spy gave me.

I hopped outta the car, slamming the door behind me and pulling out the list. Honestly, I was kinda glad Spy came with me. I can’t read halfa what these people wrote, and I forgot, like, half of the list. Would’ve been real embarrassin’ to just come back with nothin’ ‘cause I couldn’t read the list.

“Alright! First we gotta get some canned foods!” I said, pushin' up my baseball hat so I could read the list. Man that sun was bright.

Spy nodded, handin’ me a pen he had in his suit pocket so I could mark off what we already got. We headed inside, with him trailin' behind me. Man he’s so stinkn’ slow! I coulda been done with the shoppin' by the time he got to the front entrance.

So anyways, I grabbed a cart. I was tryn’t to think of a way to get this to go by faster. Maybe I could tear the list in half?

“Aye Lizard!” I said, grabbin' his attention. “I got a plan to make this faster! Grab a cart!”

He grabbed a cart and rolled it over to mine. He looked interested.

“Alright! Here ya go!” I said, tearin' off half of the list and lookin' at them. Which one had all the weird ones on them? The bottom one has the jars and honey. Definitely that one. “Ya just gotta go get the stuff on this part of the list and meet me back here! Sound cool?”

He glanced over the list, lookin’ more confused than anythin’. He raised an eyebrow, then looked up at me, probably hoping I’d have some answers for him.

“Is… Soldier particular about the kind of honey he likes?” Spy asked, foldin' up the list and puttin' it in his suit pocket.

“Nah.” I said. “Just get ‘em a lot of it.”

“What does he use it for?”

“Ya really don’t wanna know.”

Mt face twisted into a look of disgust. I will never get the image of Soldier fighting the other Soldier butt naked and covered in honey. Lizard just gave me a weird look before noddin’ slowly and turnin' his eyes back on the road. He looked like he did sorta want to know, but didn’t feel like askin’. I mean, I can’t blame ‘em, Soldier's weird.

“Alright.” He said. “I’ll meet you here in about an hour.”

Cool. He wheeled his cart off towards the produce aisle. Now I just gotta figure out how to get all this canned stuff quick. I don’t wanna be here any longer than I need to be.

Okay maybe I shouldn’t have torn the list in half. I can’t read any of this garbage. I know it’s all in the can area, but like, I still can’t read it ya know? It almost makes sense if I squint at it… nope, nothin’s ringin' a bell. Maybe I can just buy a bunch of the cans and say they didn’t have the rest.

I was ridin’ the cart like a skateboard, usin' my left foot to push against the ground to push me forward. Got a lot of speed that way.

I hit the breaks in the coffee isle, using both of my feet to prevent me from crashin' into one of those display thingies that always have the magazines. Engie wanted me to grab some coffee. Said he wanted a specific brand of coffee. Would be great if I could actually, y’know, read the stupid coffee brands.

I sighed, pickin' up a random can. Fa...fu...fer… fuck why is this so hard to read?! I ain’t blind! Maybe someone can help me…

I looked around. The only other guy nearby was this really big guy with dirty-red hair. He wasn’t big in a fat way, but in a muscular way.He also had some fancy-lookin’ glove, but only on one hand. At least he wasn’t dressed like a hobo. Actually he was dressed pretty nicely for a store that ain’t that fancy. Surprised he could find a suit that fit ‘em since his shoulders were so wide.

“Hey!” I said, walkin' up to him with the can. “Can ya read this? I… can’t.”

He turned around. He raised an eyebrow, then gave me a sort of lazy grin. He had a gold tooth, I think his canine? I dunno. I probably should’ve just gone to find Spy. This guy honestly freaked me out a bit. He reminded of a shark or somethin’ like that way too much.

“It’s ‘Faron’ brand coffee.” He said, readin' the label. He handed the can of coffee back to me. “Someone send you on a coffee run?”

“Yea!” I said. “Not just for coffee, I gotta get some groceries too.”

“Ah. Normally I’m the one to send someone out, but they were busy.”

He was lookin' at the coffee cans on the shelf. Carefully, he picked one out. It was one of the more expensive brands, the kind Engie’d kill me over if I bought it.

“Thankfully, I just needed some coffee.” He said. He raised an eyebrow once he noticed the torn off page I had. “Didn’t even give you a whole piece of paper?”

“Nah, they did. I just brought someone else with me.”

“Really now? Where is he?”

“He went to the produce area! Ya might be able to go say hi if ya want! Although he’s not much of a talker.”

“Hm. Why are you getting so many cans?”

“We’re movin’ somewhere cold, so we gotta stock up on food n’ stuff.” I tossed the can into the cart. “We could hunt but Uh… I don’t wanna.”

“Hm. A man of class I see.”

Man I kinda like this guy. He’s really fuckin’ scary, but he gets me! Kinda. Maybe. Okay maybe he’s just being nice. At least he ain’t as scary as I thought he was.

The guy stared down the aisle in silence, Probably thinkn’ about how awesome I am. Or he’s just thinkin' about lunch. Probably lunch.

“Well, it was nice meeting you Mr…?” He paused.

“Jeremy!” I said. He raised an eyebrow, grinnin' a bit.

“Jeremy. It was a pleasure meeting you.”

He grabbed another can of coffee and headed down the aisle.  
I grabbed another can of Faron coffee, since I know they go through the stuff like water. Funny, the guy was gone, although I don’t think he was moving fast enough to be in a different aisle already. Wish I had said goodbye or somethin’.

I checked off what I thought was coffee on the list. Next I have to find a buncha canned food. That’ll be fun. I pushed the cart to the can lane and stopped. I grabbed one of those stockin' boxes full of cans and dropped it into the cart. I grabbed an extra one, since there’s no shops near Coldfront and I don’t wanna go hunting with Snipes again.

Other than the cans and coffee there really wasn’t much in the list. We have winter clothing thanks to Heavy’s sisters always maken’ us stuff, and we should have shampoo and stuff like that stockpiled. Guess I just have to wait for Spy near the front then.

I rode the cart over to the front, skiddin' to a stop usin' my heels. Man I loved doin’ that. It’s honestly the best part about shoppin', that and the fact I can go get some more Bonk!. I was about to go grab a crate before Lizard came back with all of his stuff.

“I have everything here.” He said, handin' me his half of the grocery list. All of the stuff was crossed off nearly., except for Demo’s scrumpy. “Although I wasn’t able to find any scrumpy.”

“It’s fine!” I said, throwin' the two halves of the list away. “He can just drink beer! We got plenty of it!”

Spy nodded. I shoved all of the stuff in my cart into his and wheeled everythin' to a nearby register. While I was puttin' everything on the conveyer, I noticed somethin'’ not on the list. It looked like a shovel, and had an eagle engraved in the metal part of it.

“... was a shovel on the list?” I asked, puttin' the shovel on the conveyer.

“No. But Soldier wanted me to buy a shovel since his was getting a bit rusty.”

“Really? His shovel looked fine to me!

“I can put it back.”

“Nah. We can get it for ‘em. He’s gonna live the eagle on it! Kinda wish I thought of an eagle-shovel last Christmas.”

Spy just smiled. He looked so proud of himself too. Did Soldier actually ask for a new shovel? He’s kinda attached to the one he already has. Guess Spy just wanted to get ‘em a gift or somethin'. Hey wait a minute! Spy doesn’t get me anythin’ cool! Why is Soldier so special?

I didn’t get an answer. We paid and headed towards Engie’s truck and dumped everything in the back. Spy got in the driver’s seat, and I sat shotgun. 

“Can’t wait to get outta here!” I said, turning to spy.

Spy turned the car on. He paused for a sec, then reached into his suit pocket and pulled out a can of Bonk!. It was the green apple flavored one.

“You like Bonk! right?” He asked, handing the can to me.

“Yea!” I said, grinnin' and gettin’ ready to open it. “Why’s ya think I was drinkin’ it earlier? For fun?”

“I wouldn’t recommend drinking it in here.”

I stopped tryin’ to open the can. He was right. Hardhat’d kill me if I ruined his ride with some soda. This sucks. Ah well, I can just drink it when we get there… eventually.

“... You know what I just realized?” Spy said, lookin' a bit disappointed.

“What’s up?” I said, kickin' my feet up on the dashboard.

“We forgot to buy a baseball helmet.”

“... Aw crap you’re right! That’s literally the only reason I agreed to go! Uuugghhh!” I groaned, floppin’ into the seat like a limp fish. “This suuuucks!”

“I could turn around… ”

“Nah just… keep drivin’. Hardhat wants us back soon anyway. Guess you’ll just have to play without it!”

Spy didn’t seem so happy about that. You could see the gears turnin’ in his head, tryin’ to figure out how to not get another black eye. He’ll have plenty of time though, since I gotta start packen’ once I get back. Maybe I can get Lizard over here to help me with that too, since he doesn’t really have much to pack anyway.

-

Thanks to my incredible speed, we managed to get all the stuff put away in less than an hour, which means i get a head start on packn’ my stuff. Or at least, that's what Hardhat said. What I was actually going to do is draw in my notebook. I can always pack later, but right now i’m feelin’ inspired!

I was actually going to start drawing when I heard a loud knock on my door. It kinda sounded like a drumroll, which means it could only be one person. I opened the door, and just like I had guessed, Soldier was there.

“Hey Soldier!” I said. I moved aside to let ‘em into my room, but he didn’t seem to wanna move form the doorway.

“I NEED YOUR HELP!” Soldier said, way too loudly. I swear this guy has an airhorn instead of lungs.

“What no ‘Hi Scout’?”

“HI SCOUT! I NEED YOUR HELP!”

“With what?”

This was kinda new. Usually Soldier was the one to offer unwanted help, like the time he wanted to help Engie with his sentries. Didn’t end so well for the workshop.

“SPY!” Soldier yelled, loud enough to wake the old spy from the dead. 

“Did the RED Spy dig up one of your tunks again?” I asked. This wouldn’t be the first time he’s done this just to bother Soldier. Asshole.

“NO!”

“Then what do ya need?”

For once Soldier didn’t have an immediate response. He stood there, standin’ at attention, lookin’ a little red underneath his helmet. His fists clenched, his jaw set, and he honestly looked kinda scared.

“...Uh.. Soldier? Ya there buddy?” I said, waving a hand in front of his face.

“YES, I AM HERE!” He said, sounding irritated.

“Then what do ya need help with?!” I said, throwing my arms up into the air in fustration.

“SPY!”

Great now we’re runnin’ in circles. I gotta use that “deductive reasonin’” that Engie always tells me to use. So Soldier doesn’t need help with the RED Spy or anythin’ like that, so It has to be something involvin’ our spy.

Now I gotta use those “clues and evidence” that the old spy used to talk about. He said something else about “body language” but he’s so hard to listen too. Guy could bore anyone to sleep with his cheesy speeches about garbage.

So let’s see here. Soldier is standin’ here, lookin’ like he just ran a marathon, and seems to not know what to say for once. This must be a new thing then, otherwise Solider probably wouldn’t be askin’ for help. Wonder why he didn’t just go ask Pyro or Demo.

“So ya need help with Spy?” I asked, looking over him with a more critical eye this time.

“YES!” He said as loudly as ever. His voice echoed down the hall.

“Intrestin’.”

Soldier straightened even more once he realized I was lookin’ over him. Made me feel like he was caught red-handed with somethin’. He looked all nervous, which is rare comin’ from him. The guy managed to snap the neck of an axe murderer one time, so him bein’ nervous is really weird to see.

I heard soft footsteps down the hall. It was Spy, carrying some empty boxes to his room. He squeezed by us in the narrow hallway, going between me and Soldier.

“Pardon me.” Spy said. “ ‘Ello Soldier.”

“HELLO… SPY!” Soldier said, saluting him as he walked by.

Spy closed the door to his room, leaving us both alone in the hallway again.

“Why don’t people ever say ‘hello’ to me? What am I just a… uh… Soldier?”

Soldier was still standin’ at attention, backed up into the wall. His face a bit redder than before. He kept glancin’ towards Spy’s door, like he kinda wanted him to come back out.

“Solider!” I said. He snapped back to reality.

“YES!” Soldier said, turning towards me again.

I just stared up at him. He looked like he was embarrassed that he wasn’t payin’ attention. He was acting all kinds of weird. Normally he only salutes to make fun of the RED Soldier, or if we’re doin’ some flips on the battlefield. So the fact that he’s saluting like that means that he’s either jokin’ or some- wait a minute. Hold the phone, he’s blushin’ ain’t he?

“Soldier?” I asked, a huge grin spreading across my face. “Do you like Spy?”

“YES! HE IS A TEAMMATE!” Soldier boomed confidently.

Uh-huh, “teammate,” Sure buddy. I believe that. Except I don’t.

“I mean, do ya really like Spy?”

Soldier was about to respond, but he stopped himself. He straightened, fist clenchin’ again. He looked at the ground, then at Spy’s door, then back at me. He nodded, regainin’ his confidence.

“AFFIRMATIVE!” Soldier said, a little quieter this time.

“Oh my God!” I said, trying not to burst out into laughter and failing. “So That’s why you’ve been actin’ so weird!”

“THIS IS NOT A JOKE, MAGGOT!” Soldier yelled, irritated that I failed to hold back laughter.

Well that answers that. Still doesn’t explain why he came to me for help though. Did he just want to practice confessin’ or somethin’?

“I know, I know!” I said, still chuckling. “But why do ya want my help?”

“I WANT YOU TO BE MY EAGLE!” Soldier said.

“...So ya want a wingman?”

“YES!”

“Well then!” I said, still grinning. “I’ll help ya get a date with Spy. Before we start though, we gotta do some work. Ya okay with that?”

He nodded, grinning. He seemed just as excited about all of this as I was. This is gonna be so fun. Maybe that flirting lesson the old spy gave me will actually be helpful for once. Time for the master to teach a new proto...prote...prodigy? Is that what it’s called? Whatever, I’ll just say he’s my student and move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "This'll be fun," I said, at three in the morning.


	3. Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scout searches for important information and then gets drunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scout’s POV

Okay, so first things first: We gotta find out if Spy likes Soldier too, otherwise this’ll be kinda awkward for everyone involved. Problem is, Spy’s as open as a giant clam, so I gotta find a way to make him talk. The problem is, how? He’s a Spy! I don’t think I’ll be able to interrogate the truth outta him.

I walked into the kitchen. Boxes full of pots, pans, and canned food lines the counters and floor, leaving only a narrow walking space and the table. Honestly, why the hell do we have so much junk!? It’s not like we gotta feed a buncha people! There’s only like ten of us!

Kinda sucks that we’re leavin’ this base so soon. I liked this one. Plenty of room to play ball and shoot stuff. Plus there isn’t stupid snow everywhere, so I can actually run instead of trudgin’ through 4-feet piles of wet sadness.

Thankfully, I had actually managed to get my stuff packed before Hardhat could yell at me for bein’’ lazy again. Everythin’ was in boxes, so we just gotta wait for the moving truck to get here. Pretty much everybody is packed, except for Soldier who was out diggin’ up his stuff. Still wished he would just keep his stuff in his room like everyone else. He always misses a trunk and tries to walk back to the old base to get it before Engie stops him. One time he got stranded in the middle of a blizzard and we all had to put on winter clothing and go get him. God that was awful.

I passed by Demo’s room, stopping when I noticed his door was open. He was currently packing up “his secret” stash of alcohol. Holy crap, he has a lotta booze! It’s takin’ up two big boxes. He’s got all kinds of cool stuff, rangin’ from beers, to vodka, to fancy wine that the old spy must’ve given him. Then I had an idea. To get an answer, I’m going to get Spy completely plastered.

I managed to snag a bottle of vodka and went back to the kitchen, wedging it between two boxes. Hopefully nobody will find ‘em. With this, I'll be able to get Spy drunk enough to finally get some information outta him, and find out if he really likes Soldier enough for them to get together. Hopefully he does, since I don’t wanna have to explain to Soldier why this won’t work out.

Man I’m really start’ to sound like the old spy huh? Hopefully that’s a good thing.

-

Normally I wouldn’t be able to hide drinks like this, but with all the boxes everywhere It managed to stay hidden. Demo eventually found out something was missing, but he didn’t really care enough to really look into it.

Everybody had already eaten, thanks to Engie, and tomorrow we were gonna move to Coldfront. It sucks, but at least we get a break from fighting for the first few days.

Spy walked past me, probably tryin’ to get to his room or somethin’ like that.

“Aye Spy!” I said, blocking the hallway.

“... ‘Ello scout.” He said, looking at me with confusion. “Do you need something?”

“Ya wanna drink before ya hit the hay?” I held up the bottle of vodka.

“I’m not so sure Scout.”

“C’mon! Ya know you want some.” I shook the bottle a little, trying to encourage him.

“...Alright. Just a few.”

Yes! He said yes! Now for the next part of my plan. I poured him a shot glass of vodka and gave myself a shot glass of water. Now I just gotta play the waitn’ game.

We sat down at the table. I gave him his drink. He smelled it a moment, then took the shot, wincing afterwards. Good, he’s a lightweight. This might take less time than I thought. I drank my water, imitating a wince.

“That is strong…” He said, still wincing. “Perhaps I should only have one…”

“Nah, just a few more! It won’t hurt like that for the rest of ‘em! I can promise ya that!”

He didn’t look so sure, staring at me with mild suspicion. Crap does he know what I’m doin’? I really hope not.

I poured us each another glass, tryin’ to hurry this up. He drank his, and I pretended to drink mine. 

So far, this was goin’ great! Or at least, better than I expected.Honestly I kinda expected him to bail on me after the first shot. Now to start askin’ him questions. I gotta ease him into the big one.

“So Spy! Ya likin’ the team so far?” I asked, pouring him another shot.

“Hmm? The team? Yes I… I enjoy the company of… the team.” He mumbled, already more than a bit tipsy.

He drank his shot, and then another. His cheeks were gettin’ a bit red. This is actually workin’! Maybe I can get a little more specific?

“Ya like everybody?” I asked, grinning.

“Yes.” He said. He was grinnin’ like an idiot. “Very… very colorful.”

“Uh-huh. Ya got a favorite?”

“F-favorite? A… favorite… I… I don’t…”

Dang. He’s playin’ the “I don’t know card.” I might have to get a little more specific. Time to raise the stakes a bit.

“What about Soldier?” i asked, pouring him yet another glass. He drank it, although a bit more reluctantly this time.

“Soldier? I… He… he’s… very nice.”

“Yea? And?”

I was getting pretty enthusiastic, tryin’ to nudge him to answerin’. I poured him another glass. He knocked it over, too drunk to really grab anything correctly. Man this stuff is strong.

“He’s very…” Spy’s voice trailed off. “Very strong…I trust him a lot, more than… more than other people… no… offense to you.”

“None taken! So do you like-like him?” I asked. “Like more than a friend?”

“More than… a friend?” He mumbled, his face turning redder. He turned away, starin’ at the hallway entrance. “...yes… I...yes. I would… I would agree to that. Maybe… I’m not so… sure...”

Score! So he does like Soldier! Yes, this is good! Great, even. Now I just gotta go tell Soldier the good news. I stood up and grabbed the vodka. Me and Soldier are gonna go celebrate by getting absolutely shit-faced!

I was about to head out when I heard Spy speak up from behind me. I thought he was gonna ask for more vodka, but no.

“You… You’re not… drunk.” He mumbled, staring at me with a slightly accusatory look. Guess he was guilty about being a lightweight.

“What? Me? Oh I am drunk! Like, reeeaally drunk.” I said, hoping he would take the lie. “I just don’t act all different when I get drunk ya know?”

“No.” He said, squinting at me. “You’re not… drunk. I am… You’re… You’re not…”

Well there goes that lie. Guess I should get outta here fast before he figures out I got him drunk on purpose.

“You… you got me… on purpose.” He said, looking disappointed.

Shit he figured that out really fast. Maybe I can salvage this!

“No-no it ain’t like that! I just-” I sputtered, trying to explain myself.

“It’s okay. Not… not your fault.” He said, putting his head down on the table. “I should… Should’ve stopped.”

I stood in the doorway, hand on the frame, not really sure how to act. Despite being absolutely plastered, he still figured it out. Was he forgivin’ me or somethin’? Didn't sound like it. Kinda sounded like he was disappointed in himself honestly.

“I’m a… terrible spy.” He muttered. “I should have… Should have figured it out..”

“What?” I said. “No ya ain’t! Ya just gotta get better at dodgin n’ stuff.”

“I am… I… am…” he muttered. “I should… should have known.”

“If it makes ya feel better, Soldier likes ya too!”

He was silent for a bit, just kinda staring at his hands in silence. I was about to leave, taking a step outside.

“... You… You’re just like your... father.” He muttered, looking up at me.

My dad? This guy knows Tom Jones? How? Wait hold on how does he know he’s my dad? Is it that obvious?!

“What?” I asked, steppin’ back into the room. “... Ya know my dad?”

He put his head down. I waited around for an answer, but didn’t get one. He just sat there in silence. I think he fell asleep. 

I left, slipping through some boxes that had been blocking the way to the outside. Maybe he was just really drunk and confusing things. There’s no way this guy knows who my dad is. There’s no way!

Hopefully he won’t remember this tomorrow, otherwise it’ll be pretty awkward. I walked down the hallway to look for Soldier and tell ‘em the news.

-

Wow I feel awful. I feel all slimy for gettin’ him drunk just to see if he liked Soldier or not. Guess I coulda just asked ‘em, but I dunno if he would’ve told me the truth if he wasn’t plastered. He still didn’t give me an answer about my dad either! Maybe he was just way too drunk to think straight. Yea that’s it.

Maybe I’ll ask him about it later when he isn’t drunk. Just in case...

I knocked on Soldier’s door with excitement. There wasn’t any answer, so I guess he isn’t there. Maybe he’s outside?

I headed outside. Spy was currently leaning out of the kitchen window, throwing up. Sniper was cleaning his rifle on the top of his van. He was probably plannin’ on going huntin’ or somethin’.

Sniper was giving Spy a grossed-out look as he emptied his stomach of… well it looked like canned hash. Gross. 

“AYE SNIPER!” I yelled, waving. “HAVE YA SEEN SOLDIER?”

“NO!” Sniper yelled back. “SORRY MATE!”

“Oh. THANKS ANYWAY!”

“YOU’RE WELCOME!”

Spy threw up again, clinging to the window frame for support. Sniper looked a bit worried, and climbed down from his van to make sure Spy was okay. I hope I didn’t give him alcohol poisonin’ or somethin’ like that.

I left, heading towards the baseball field/training area at the back of the base. It was littered with scrapped metal and rocks. Basically all the junk people don’t need anymore, like weapons and stuff like that, end up back here. 

Thankfully, Soldier was out here, surrounded by steamer trunks of random stuff he owns. He was in the middle of axeing a dummy made of scrap metal, using the eagle shield that Spy got ‘em. Honestly, I'm not sure why I didn’t notice they liked each other before. It’s kinda obvious when ya think back on it. They were both pretty buddy-buddy since the beginnin’.

“Hey Soldier!” I said, running towards him.

“HELLO SCOUT!” He said, lookin’ up at me. His helmet rattled on his head like a bobble head.

I walked over, handin’ him the vodka.

“Guess what!” I said, grinnin’ like an idiot.

“WHAT?” Soldier said, taking the bottle of vodka.

“He does like you!”

“WHO?”

“Spy! Who else would like ya?” Wait that didn’t come out right. “I mean who else would like ya like that- ya know what, forget it!”

Soldier froze for a second. Then he broke out into a huge grin.

“YES!” Soldier yelled, loud as he could. Great, now the entire stinkin’ team knows we’re out here.

We sat down in the dirt, sharing the little that remained of the vodka. Jeez how much did I give Spy? No wonder he’s thrown’ up. He held together pretty well for how much he drank.

“Alright!” I said, a little drunk. “We got-gotta train ya first! I gotta teach ya how to flirt!”

“YES!” Soldier said, just as drunk. “I WILL FLIRT”

This was gonna be great! Maybe I can even yell “seduce me!” Ya think Soldier can seduce people? Yea, with the subtlety of an airhorn. 

The sun was start’ to set, I think. Maybe I could teach Soldier how to dance? That’d be pretty cool. Ha! Dancin’ Soldier. That’d be a riot! I don’t think he has the skills though. Maybe? Kinda? Almost? Nah, he doesn’t.

I got up, stumbling a bit. I was drowsy, and everything was all wiggly. Soldier had already passed out in the sand, snorin’ like a freight train. I didn’t want to fall asleep in the sand though. It’s not exactly the comfiest place to sleep.

I shook the sand out of my socks and picked up Soldier, nearly losing my balance in the process. Man, he was heavy! Guy needs to lose some weight! Maybe lay off the canned hash for a while. 

I picked up his shovel too. Thankfully it wasn’t that heavy, just kindof a pain to carry since it doesn’t fold up like his other shovel does. Stupid Spy and his stupid shovel idea. He was probably lyin’ about Soldier needin’ a new one anyway.

I headed into the base, passing by Sniper and Spy. Spy was crying his eyes out, blubberin’ something about being a terrible spy n’ all that jazz, while Sniper awkwardly patted his back. Guess Spy is a cryer when he’s drunk.

“Hey Snniipes!” I said, slurrin’ my words.

“Hey.” He said, giving me a confused look. “Is he out?”

“Soldier? Ya!”

“Alright. Ya headn’ to bed?”

“Ya!”

“Alright. G’night mate!”

“Goodnight!”

I stumbled into the hallway, using the walls to support me as the floor warped and twisted. I opened Soldier’s room and threw him onto the bed as best as I could, then left, closing the door behind me. I stumbled to my room and closed the door behind me, floppin’ into my bed like a dead body and almost immediately passin’ out.


	4. Some outside help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scout recruits Sniper for his stupid plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scout’s POV

I woke up to somebody loudly poundin’ on my door. I opened my eyes, wishing I had remembered to close that stupid window. Why is the sun so bright?!

“Scout it’s time to get up! We gotta get going!”

It sounded like Hardhat. I sat up in my bead, squinting at the light streaming through my window. Drool matted some of my hair and made my face all sticky on one side. Gross. I wiped my face with the back of my hand.

I stood up, stretchin’ out my back and legs. Man, I was sore! Guess I didn’t sleep right. The headache poundin’ at the inside of my skull I had ain't helping much either. Maybe I should just go back to sleep and ignore him.

“Scout!” Engie said, a little louder this time. “Get up!”

“I’m up!” I yelled back, wincing at the volume of his voice. “So fuckn’ loud!”

I grumbled, sliding off of the bed. I barely registered that I was still wearin’ day clothes and shoes. Man I must’ve been really drunk if I didn’t even get to my PJs or even take off my cloths.

I walked across my room and opened the door. I was met with Engie’s cheerful grin. He was wearin’ his casual clothing, includin’ the glove over his robot hand.

“Mornin’ Scout!” He said, grinning. “Ya hungry?”

How the hell was he so awake? It’s like, noon! Nobody’s awake at noon except for… well everyone but me apparently. Still! Why the hell is he so freakn’ loud? Although Food did sound pretty nice right about now. A nice warm bacon sandwich with toast sounded reeeally good right about now.

“Yea!” I said, giving him a tired grin.

“Come on now, don’t wanna keep ‘em waitin’!” Engie said, leading me down the hallway.

The kitchen was awake with activity. Everybody was bustlin’ and talkin’ to everybody else. Heavy and Engie had made some breakfast for everyone usin’ the leftovers we had in the fridge, and Demo and Soldier were playin’ some sorta card game that looked like poker. Pyro and Sniper were talkin’ about usin’ his van to carry the fragile stuff and people who wouldn’t fit anywhere else. Doc was cagin’ up his doves for the move, checkin’ them over one last time. Everyone just seemed so lively and cheerful this mornin’, although something was missing. I couldn’t figure out what though, so I just grabbed a plate of fried hams and eggs and sat next to Snipes, diggin’ into my food.

“Hey Snipes!” I said, tryin’ to strike up a conversation.

“Hey.” He said, looking pretty tired himself. He’s been really tired all the time ever since the old spy died. He was more social this mornin’, which is great, although he still looked dead to the world. Hopefully the coffee he was drinkin’ would wake ‘em up.

“Mrrph!” Pyro said, sipping chocolate milk through a straw. Dunno how he got the straw through his mask though.

“Hey Mumbles!” I said back, taking a bite out of my ham. Man this is salty. Salty and delicious! “So when are we leaven’?” I asked.

“Soon.” Snipes said. “We’re just waitn’ for Spy to wake up.”

“Oh shit I forgotta ‘bout him!”

“Ya wanna go wake ‘em up before he misses breakfast?”

“Sure!”

I left my plate on the table and ran down the hall towards Spy’s room. I kinda wish his room was closer to the kitchen instead of the end of the hall.

Floorboards creaked below me as I ran to his room, passin’ by all of the empty rooms. I still don’t know why we were leavn’ this place so soon. The battlefield still ain’t completely destroyed, and we’ve only been here a few months! Just don’t make sense…

I reached the end of the hallway and pounded on Lizard’s door loud enough to wake the dead.

“Aye Spy!” I said, still poundin’ on the door with my fist. “Aye Spy! Ya wanna eat some grub?”

No response. I tapped my foot, waitin’ for him to say somethin’ or grumble or do anythin’ really. Maybe he’s still asleep?

“Aye SPY!” I said, louder this time and still poundin’ on his door again. “Yo Spy! Spy! Spyspyspy-”

He opened the door slowly, squintin’ at me. He was definitely hungover, and he kinda looked like he regretted existin’.

“Hey you’re ali- wow you look like shit!” I said, taking a step back.

Spy looked awful. He had dark bags under his eyes and he definitely had a headache. HIs suit was all crumpled and his mask was kinda twisted and he looked like he just crawled out of a gutter! He kinda just looked at me blankly. At first I thought he was still mad about yesterday, but then he gave me a small grin.

“ ‘Ello… Scout.” He muttered, still grinnin’ a bit. He yawned.

“Hey! Heavy made breakfast if ya want some!” I said, steppin’ aside so he could get past.

“Thank you.” He muttered, walkin’ past me like a zombie.

I followed him back to the room. He gave a polite greeting before grabbin’ a plate and sitting down next to Sniper.

“Good morning Sniper.” Spy said.

“Hey.” Sniper said. “Ya okay mate?”

“I’m alright. Just had a… rough night.”

“A rough nig-”

“HELLO SPY!” Soldier boomed from the poker table, standin’ for some stupid reason.

Me and Spy winced, with Spy using one of his hands to cover his ear.

“ ‘Ello… Soldier.” He said, shaking his head and giving Soldier a polite grin.

Soldier sat back down, still grinnin’ like an idiot. Demo gave him a funny look. How comes he never seems to get headaches after drinin’? Probably because he’s had practice bar-hoppin’ with Demo. That or he doesn’t have a brain to get a hangover with.

Spy straightened out his mask.

“So when are we… leaving?” He asked, still not entirely awake yet.

“Soon.” Sniper said, taking a sip of coffee.

Spy nodded, pokin’ at the food on his plate and takin’ small bites.

“Mmmph?” Pyro said, mumblin’ through his mask.

“...Pardon?” Spy asked, just not understandin’ what Pyro said..

“He asked if you’re okay.” I said, translating Pyro’s mumbles for him.

“Oh. Yes, I’m fine Pyro.” Spy said. “I just… drank too much yesterday.”

That was an understatement. At least he didn’t seem to remember much, otherwise I think he’d be a bit more mad at me. Or maybe he just forgave me? Dunno.

I still kinda feel bad about gettin’ Lizard drunk just to ask him about Soldier. Wish there coulda been a different way to get the info. At least I’ll be able to help Soldier now.

An hour later we managed to start paken’. We managed to get everything’ into the movin’ van, but now we gotta carpool since ther ain’t a lotta room. I dunno what happened to everyone else, but me, Soldier, and Sniper were all in Snipe’s van.

Sweet ride, but man does it smell like piss back here. Everything looked kinda dirty and gross and smelled like sweat. Thankfully I managed to ride shotgun, but the front ain’t much better than the camper part. The leather on the seat was all cracked and scratchy. Good thing Soldier was the one who got put back there insteada me, otherwise Sniper have to deal with ‘em for the day-long drive. Which would suck.

“Sooo…” I said, trying to strike up a conversation. “How would ya like to help me with somethin’?”

“Help with what?” Snipes asked, flipping through radio channels and stopping on the news station. Why couldn’t he just put on some music like a normal guy?! Now I gotta listen to McCorn and his news about a doughnut shop!

“Wouldn't ya like to know?”

“Mate if this is another one of your schemes to see Engie’s robotic arm-”

“It ain’t like that! I wanna get Soldier a date!”

Sniper raised an eyebrow at me. I mean, it was understandable. Soldier ain’t exactly the most romantic person on the planet.

“Ya wanna get Soldier a date?” Sniper said, shaking his head. “Mate ya can’t just-”

“I already found someone he likes!” I said, interrupting him. He gave me a surprised look.

“Ya did? Who is it?”

“It’s Spy!”

Soldier’s eyebrows went above his orange-tinted glasses. His mouth opened a bit in shock and confusion.

“Spy?” He said, confused.

“Uh-huh!” I said.

“And Soldier?”

“Uh-huh! Yea I know it’s really weird!”

He glanced back at the camper part of his van, then back at the road, still lookin’ real surprised. I’m kinda surprised that Soldier hasn’t blown a hole in the back out of boredom.

“So does Spy like ‘em back? I know they’re pretty good mates…”

“Yea!” I said, putting me feet up on the dash. “They like each other!”

“How’d ya find out?”

“Well Soldier told me ‘cause he wanted me to help ‘em” I said, thinkin’. “And Spy told me when he was really drunk! So we gotta match.”

“Mate, ya know people ain’t exactly… there when they’re drunk right?”

“Yea but he sounded pretty serious!”

Sniper just kinda nodded. He was quiet for a while, thinkin’ and drivin’.

“So ya want me to help you get ‘em together?” Sniper said, stiil not entirly onboard.

“Yea!” I said, excited.

Sniper thought for a while, leaning back in his chair. He scratched his neck, avoiding the scar on his neck. He sighed, given’ into his curiosity.

“Alright.” He said. “I’ll… try an help ya.”

“WHOO!” I said, pumping my fist into the air and hitting my hand on the ceiling. “Ow!”

“Although I don’t know how we’re gonna get ‘em together. They ain’t exactly the most… compatable.”

“Don’t worry! I just gotta teach Soldier how to flirt!”

“You’re going to teach Soldier? You’re both terrible at flirtin’ I hope ya know that.”

“Hey I ain’t that bad!”

Sniper was grinnin’, probably enjoying messin’ with me.

“Besides!” I said. “I teach Soldier what the old spy taught me-”

Sniper’s grin was wiped off of his face. Probably shouldn’t have mentioned the old spy. Yea I definitely shouldn’t have. Probably just put Sniper in a bad mood for the rest of the day now. Shit now I feel like an ass.

“Okay.” He said sighin’. “That… might work dependin’ on how well Soldier can follow instructions…”

Good, he was still on board.

“He follows instructions great!” I said. “Remember the bread monster?”

Sniper just let out a groan. Everybody remembers the bread monster! Man that was a mess. 

“We all do, Scout.” He said, fixing his hat. “That’s why we’re not allowed to use the teleporters for food now remember?”

“Yea.” I said. “I know. We can still teleport drinks though.”

Sniper nodded as his response. More silence followed, filling the cabin like a noxious gas. Man I hate silence! And the guy on the radio is really boring. I’ve never heard a guy talk for so long about stupid coffee. On the bright side, the Red Sox won again. Maybe they’ll go to the championships this year or somethin’.

“Are ya sure Spy likes Soldier in that way?” Sniper said, lookin’ worried. “‘Cause if he doesn’t then this’ll get really awkward really fast.”

“Yea!” I responded. “He’s totally in love with Soldier!”

“Alright. If ya say so.”

He drove in silence for a little while, tapping his thumb on the steering wheel every so often. He seemed to be paying attention to the radio, or least pretendin’ too.

“Anyone else know?” He asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

“Uhh…Soldier knows Spy likes him, but nobody else knows” I said. “I don’t even think Spy knows that Soldier likes him.”

“Ya should probably tell Spy then.”

“Nah. I’ll make it a surprise!”

“Sounds like a terrible idea mate.”

“Yea I definitely come to you for bright ideas, Mr. Piss-Van.”

Sniper grumbled somethin’ about me being a “wanka” and just continued to drive in silence, slightly annoyed that I insulted his vehicle. The radio guy was talkin’ about a stupid stolen shipment of metal.

“Ya think I can teach Solider how to dance?” I asked.

“Maybe?” Sniper said. “Dunno if he likes dancin’ mate.”

“Hope he does! “Cause it’d be really funny to watch them do the salsa or somethin’ fancy like that!”

Sniper just chuckled, grinnin’ like an idiot again. He then started laughin’, somethin’ he hasn’t done in a while. I grinned. I guess it would be kinda funny watchin’ Spy and Soldier try and figure out dancin’. 

I leaned back into the car seat, starin’ outta the window. It was already sunset, even though it didn’t seem like we’ve been drivin’ that long. I yawned.

“Sleepy?” Sniper said. “There’s a bed in the back.”

“I’m good.” I said. “Soldier probably took it.”

“Or he fell asleep on the floor.”

“Or he did that.”

I relaxed. As much as I hate car trips, this one ain’t that bad. Maybe it’s just because I’m really tired so I’m not as jumpy. Maybe that’s it. I found myself driften’ off to sleep, nestled in between the door and the seat. Man I shouldn’t have drunk so much last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most amount of dialogue I've ever written and I regret everything.
> 
> Also, sorry it's kind of a short chapter.


	5. Lessons in Dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scout decides to give Soldier a lesson in dating, with Sniper's help of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scout's POV

I woke up to someone shakin’ my shoulder. I was still in Sniper’s van, still awkwardly leanin’ against the door like a pillow. My shoulder was sore, and my neck really hurt. Must’ve slept wrong.

“We’re here mate.” Sniper said, still shakin’ my shoulder.

“We are?” I said, yawnin’ and steppin’ outta the van. How long was I out? Hours, probably.

“Yea.” Sniper said, heading to the back to make sure Soldier didn’t blow up the back of the van again.

I was hit with a blast of really cold air when I opened the door. My feet sunk into the snow on the ground, and I nearly slipped on the icy stones that surrounded the base. Snow was fallin’ like ash around me. Pine trees lined the mountains in the distance. The whole place looked like one of those novelty snow globes, except a lot less fun ‘cause it was cold and dark and stupid. I shuddered, rubbing my shoulders. Man I hope we were the ones who grabbed the blankets and stuff like that.

Sniper, Soldier, and I headed inside to get outta the cold. We were the only ones here right now, so the base was really quiet. Floorboards creaked below us as we walked through the doorway, and we were met with the warm welcome of a dusty refrigerator that was left on for, like, a hundred years. At least it was a bit warmer on the inside of the base than it was outside.

“We’ll get the stuff out tomorrow.” Sniper said, about to close the door behind him.

“WE WILL GET IT NOW!” Soldier said, heading back out into the snow, ignorin’ any protest from Sniper.

“Soldier wait-” Snipes said, tryin’ to grab Soldier’s shirt collar. “Scout, start a fire will while I wrangle Soldier back!”

Sniper followed Soldier out, leavin’ me alone. The base was made mostly of brick, unlike the dried-out, splintery wood of the desert base. Pine planks made the floor while bricks made up the floor. A stone fireplace that hasn’t been touched in a while was embedded in the wall. It still had a few old logs in it, as well as the pokey things you use to poke the logs so the fire can get bigger. I lit a fire usin’ some matches on the mantle. Kinda surprised they still worked, since they’ve been here for years. Too bad we didn’t leave any firewood behind.

The fire was small, but welcome. A warm, orange glow filled the room, spreading throughout the base through some weird vents engie put in the last time we were still here. He said it helped heat the place faster and with a smaller fire, although I think he just wanted to keep Pyro from havin’ an excuse to make the fire big. He did anyway, but still.

Honestly, the base was pretty much the same as our old one, except in the mountains and actually pretty well-built. The kitchen and dining area were a little bigger than our old base, and the hallways were a bit more narrow, but nothing else really changed. Everything was pretty much in the same place. The place didn’t have a baseball field, which really sucks. Although I guess it would be really hard to run in the snow anyway.

I sat down at the dining table, with the wooden chair creaking under my weight. I guess I could learn how to snowboard? That would be pretty cool. Even better is I can Probably get Spy to do it with me. I can’t wait to see him smash face-first into a tree!

Or maybe a snowball fight? Yea that’d be great! As long as Engie doesn’t cheat and make that stupid snowball sentry again. Man that really took the fun outta the game. Then again I threw an icicle at him so I guess it was fair. Who even won that fight anyway? I think the Spy from the RED Team technically won, since he never got hit until after the match. Cheater cloaked durin’ the whole battle. He then decided it would be a good idea to use an icicle instead of his knife for the rest of the time that we were here! I’ve never had a more painful backstab. Worse part is, it froze your body in place like a statue, so he would always gloat about how many times he’d stab ya in one go. Not gonna lie it was really weird seein’ your dead body frozen in place. Sucked for Heavy and Sniper especially.

My stomach growled since I haven’t eaten in a while. I poked the log in the fireplace one more time for good measure and stood up, headin’ to the kitchen for some grub. Thankfully there seemed to be a bunch of old cans in here that had not exploded from the cold weather. Wonder if there’s anythin’ other than stupid green beans. Doesn’t look like it.

The front door opened. I peeked my head out of the kitchen to see who it was. Sniper came in, missin’ his glasses and lookin’ real irritated. Soldier followed, grinnin’ in triumph and success, carryin’ some blankets and pillows for everyone.

“We compromised.” Sniper grumbled. “Beds still won’t be here until tomorrow at the earliest, but at least we got some blankets and pillows.”

“THEY SMELL LIKE A BATHROOM!” Soldier yelled, not as grossed out as a normal guy would be about the smell. Actually I don’t think it bugged him at all, he was just being’ real blunt about it.

“They’re clean!” Sniper said, sitting down in a dining room chair. “I washed ‘em this time.”

Soldier dumped the clothing and pillows on the floor next to the door and sat down in a chair. Sniper just sat in silence, taking off his hat putting it on the dining table. Soldier twiddled his thumbs, probably gettin’ bored.

“You guys wanna eat somethin’?” I asked.

“YES!” Solider yelled, perking up instantly.

“...Sure” Sniper grumbled, glancin’ out of the window.

I grabbed some cans from the cabinet. We didn’t really have much other than green beans and… we’ll actually it’s just green beans. Seriously why the hell are there so many cans of green beans?! We never eat ‘em why do we even bother buyin’ them?! Man I wish Sniper was the one carryin’ the cans of food I bought a few days ago. I mean, he probability has some cans in his van but I ain’t touchin’ those. Stuff probably contaminated with piss or somethin’.

I placed the cans of beans on the table. Kinda wished I could find some silverware or somethin’, but all I found was Pyro’s collection of broken lighters he didn’t have the heart to throw away. Soldier didn’t mind though, he just twisted his can apart with his bare hands and ate the green beans like chips. Sniper gave the can a skeptical look, probably not trusting it since it was dented and not exploded. That, or he’s just bein’ Sniper.

“Why green beans?” He said, prying his open with the pocket knife that the old Spy gave. It was supposed to be a joke gift, since Sniper is more of a giant knife kinda guy, but he still kept it as a can-opener. Old Spy wasn’t too happy about that.

“‘Cause that’s all we had!” I said, bangin’ my can on the table to get it to open. It worked, although it sent the can juice flying everywhere.

“Mate I coulda just given ya my knife-” Sniper said, looking irritated about the entire bean water thing.

“I COULD HAVE OPENED IT!” Soldier said, loudly.

“Nah.” I said, eating a green bean. It was cold, and tasted like water and sadness. “It’s fine! I got it open!”

We ate in silence for a while. I grabbed a few more cans since green beans aren’t very filling, and sat down again. Sniper was starin’ out of the window, probably lookin’ for any signs of the others. Wonder if they’ll get here soon. Probably not, since Pyro has a habit of draggin’ them to random places, especially if he hates the place we’re goin’. He ain’t exactly a fan of the cold. One time we were headn’ to a base and he dragged us to one of those sideshow carnivals, and he made us help the animals escape. Turns out, lions will try to eat you even if you’re tryin’ to help ‘em. Bastards. At least I got some cotton candy outta that trip.

Soldier was on his third can of green beans. Sniper only ate half of his can, eventually gettin’ too distracted with his self-imposed job of lookin’ out the window. Guess he must’ve stopped for food while I was asleep. Didn’t even wake me up or buy me any sunflower seeds! No, he just walzted right in and bought himself a sandwich or something stupid and just kept on drivin’.

Although he has been actin’ really weird for the past few weeks. Ever since Old Spy got himself offed, he’s been way more skittish and jumpy. He’s been dyin’ a whole lot durin’ battle and missin’ shots he’d normally hit. I think he’s been missin’ sleep too, if the bags under his eyes are any clue.

He slowly reached for his kukri, wrapping his fingers around the handle tightly. His face was a mixture of fear and worry. Fear was eatin’ him up from the inside out. His eyes were locked on the window. I looked out, but I didn’t see anythin’. I don’t think he did either.

“Snipes?” I asked, concerned. 

Honestly, I was really worried about him. He hasn’t been eatin’ as much as he used too, and I don’t even think he sleeps anymore. I can see why Spy wanted to get him a nice gift. Poor guy was ready for a fight that didn’t look like it was about to happen anytime soon.

“They’re still not here.” He said, still starin’ out the window. He was tense, shoulders ridged.

“Yea? And?” I said.

“What if they don’t come back?”

Shit. That’s what’s got him all scared. I mean, I can’t really blame ‘em. I wouldn’t wanna see Engie or Spy or… anyone die!

“Snipes, relax! I said, tryin’ to comfort him a bit. “They probably got side-tracked or somethin’ like that. Happens all the time!”

That didn’t really seem to help. Actually I think I just made it a lot worse. His grip tightened on his giant knife. At least he left his rifle in the van, otherwise he might accidentally fire at somethin’ he shouldn’t. Soldier had stopped eating mid-chew, and was staring between us with concern.

What the hell even happened to him? I kinda wish I paid more attention to what Engie told me. Must’ve really sucked if he came back like this. I mean, he’s always been a bit of a paranoid mess, but this is… new. Really new. 

Holy shit this guy was about to snap. His jaw clenched, sweat runnin’ down his face like a river. He was pantin’ like a dog, clingin’ to his kurki like a lifeline with both of his hands. He stood up, still starin’ out the window. It was like he expected someone to attack us. Me and Soldier exchanged worried looks. I was about to ask Snipes if he was okay (I know he isn’t, but still), but Soldier interrupted me.

“SNIPER!” Soldier yelled. Sniper jumped, turnin’ around to face us, shakin’ a bit, and standin’ up from his chair, ready to stab somebody with his kurki. 

“What!?” Sniper said, still pantin’. “What do you want?”

He must’ve seen the look on our faces. Soldier just stared at him from under his helmet, given’ him a concerned look.

“AT EASE.” Soldier said as low as he possibly could, which wasn’t that low. Not sure what that meant, but I think it was an army term or somethin’.

“Oh.” Sniper mumbled, sitting back down.

He put his kukri on the table when he sat down. He still looked really tense, and was still shakin’ like a leaf, but at least he wasn’t about to stab the window.

“Sorry to spook you two.” He said, sighin’ and rubbing his face with his hands. “I just… don’t… “

“It’s fine!” I said.

We sat in uncomfortable silence for a while, listin’ to the wind howl outside. Soldier finished his third can of green beans, while I just kinda looked around the room, tryin’ to figure out somethin’ to do. Sniper stared down at his feet, looking deep in thought.

I can’t stand this. I gotta do somethin’ or I’m gonna scream.

“Okay!” I said, breaking the silence. “How ‘bout we figure out how to teach Soldier how to get a date with Spy?”

“YES!” Soldier said, still eatin’ some green beans.

“Alright.” Sniper said, lookin’ relieved. 

We chose the storage area where we kept weapons and ammo and garbage that nobody wanted to throw away. It had stuff like scrap metal and old weapons that we didn’t use often enough to put it in our lockers. We never bring this stuff with us whenever we move, so It’s be sittin’ here for a while, pilin’ up like a garbage dump.

I rummaged through, lookin’ for anything useful while I tried to go over what Old Spy taught me in my head. I don’t really remember much else other than “Seduce me” so that ain’t helpin’. It was really funny in hindsight, but not helpful. Soldier doesn’t really seem like the seductive type, if I’m bein’ honest, so Old Spy’s way wouldn’t work. Good thing Soldier has me to teach him.

“At least there ain’t any spiders.” Sniper grumbled, rummaging through a different pile. He still seemed pretty on-edge, but at least he was smiln’. “Or ya might shriek like a banshee again.”

“Ye- Hey wait that ain’t funny!” I said.

Soldier was rummaging through some piles as well, lookin’ for stuff that might help. He broke out in laughter.

“IT AIN’T FUNNY!” I said, now really mad.

“It kinda was, mate.” Sniper said, still grinnin’. 

I grumbled, calling them names under my breath. I managed to find some old wine glasses that we could use for a mock date or something’ like that.

“Huh.” I said, picking them up. They were dusty, chipped and cracked, but still kinda intact. “These’ll help, although I don’t think they’d hold any liquid.”

“I found a chalkboard.” Sniper said, dragging it out of the pile and flipping it upright. “This’ll help, probably.”

Old, smudged team strats and random drawings from me and pyro littered the surface, along with an unhealthy amount of dust. Man some of those drawings looked kinda cool, even though I’ve gotten much better since then. Gonna suck to see them get erased.

“Yea!” I said, walking over with the wine glasses. “This’ll help!”

“I HAVE FOUND A TABLE!” Soldier yelled, feelin’ left out. He pulled a medium-sized table out form the pile of garbage and threw it at us. It landed at our feet.

“Jesus Soldier!” I said. “Ya don’t gotta throw it!”

“YES I DID!” He said, smilin’ and throwin’ the wooden chairs that went with it. Thankfully he didn’t hit us, otherwise I just might hit the guy with his stupid eagle shovel.

Okay so we have wine glasses, a table, and a chalkboard. Great! Now what do we do with ‘em? Probably should’ve thought ahead before I made everyone rummage through dusty garbage.

“So what now?” I asked Sniper. He just shrugged.

“Dunno mate.” He said. “We could do a practice date?”

“Yea! That sounds like a pretty solid plan” I said.

Sniper and I set up the table with the two chairs. I put the glasses on each side, tryn’ to make it look as fancy and realistic as possible. I mean, it looked fancy, at least as fancy as two broken wine glasses and a shitty table set could be. One of the table legs was shorter than the rest, so the table wobbled, much to everyone’s annoyance. Man, this just keeps gettin’ better and better doesn’t it?

Soldier sat down in one of the chairs with a determined look on his face, ready for me and Snipes to give him the best datin’ trainin’ he’s ever had! Actually it might be the only datin’ trainin’ he’s had. Still goin’ to be the best though!

“I AM READY!” He said, saluting. I saluted back, tryin’ to encourage him, although I don’t think he needs much encouragement do do anythin’.

“Cool!” I said. “Now we just gotta think of a guy for you to practice with.”

“We could use a dummy?” Sniper suggested, already rummigin’ through the piles again.

“Nah.” I said. “He needs to practice with a real guy…”

I thought, tryin’ to think of who would be a good guy to practice with. I couldn’t do it, since I’m supposed to be the one teachin’ him. Soldier doesn’t have the brains to pretend there’s a person in the chair, even if we put a lamp there or somethin’. It’s gotta be someone observant, someone who’s smart enough to play along. I mean, the only other person here is Snipes, and he fits at least the observant part. Guess he’ll work.

“Hey Snipes!” I said, grinnin’. “How about you-”

“What?” He said, annoyed. “I ain’t pretendin’ to be Soldier date!”

“Why not?”

“Because-”

“But look at his face! You can’t say no to that face!”

Soldier was sittin’ in his chair, twiddling his thumbs. He had a small, pretty innocent lookin’ grin on his face, eager to learn. Sniper looked at him, and his expression softened a bit.

“Fine.” He said, finally relentin’. “Just… don’t tell the others about... this.”

He gestured to the table.

“I won’t!” I said, grinning. I’m definitely gonna tell everybody about this later.

Sniper sat down in the chair. It was a bit too short for him, so he kinda looked cramped and uncomfortable. He shifted awkwardly in the chair, picking up one of the wine glasses and pretendin’ to take a sip.

“HELLO SNIPER!” Soldier said, grinnin’.

“No ya gotta pretend it’s Spy!” I said.

“OH. HELLO SPY!”

“Hi… mate.” Sniper said awkwardly. “Fine… weather we’re having?”

“IT IS VERY COLD!”

“Snipes ya gotta get in the zone!” I said.

“It’s kinda hard to get in the zone when my date’s a bloody lunatic!” Sniper said, annoyed.

“At least try!” I said. “Ya just gotta pretend it’s the old sp-”

Really shouldn’t have said that. Honestly I’m not even sure why I did. They were just friends, as far as I know. I think it’s because it was the first name that popped into my head? Dunno. Either way It was a really bad idea. I’m really glad that Snipes left his weapon on the table.

Sniper just turned around, glarin’ daggers at me. Even Soldier looked pretty disappointed in me.

“Mate.” Sniper said, his voice a low warning. “Yer pushin’ your luck.”

“Yea! Sorry!” I said, backing up a bit. “Just… pretend it’s like, Miss Paulin’ or somethin’!”

I gave Sniper a nervous grin, hoping he wouldn’t stab me. He just glared at me for a few more seconds and turned back around in the chair, facin’ Soldier again.

“Why the hell did I agree to help you two wankers.” Sniper grumbled under his breath.

“ ‘Cause we’re your friends?” I said.

He just grumbled. He looked up at Soldier, who was still sittin’ in the chair nicely, still waitn’ for his trainin’ in the art of seduction. Sniper strengthened in his chair, gainin’ some confidence.

“Alright.” Sniper said. “Let’s do this.”

He cleared his throat, picking up the wine glass again and holdin’ it in his hand like Old Spy would. He thought a moment before speakin’.

“So!” Sniper said. “How was your day?”

“IT WAS GREAT!” Soldier yelled.

I wheeled the chalkboard behind Sniper. He turned around to see what I was doin’, given’ me a confused look while I erased the board. I motioned for him to continue.

“Great?” Sniper said, turning back around in his chair. “How so?”

Sniper pretended to drink from the glass, ignoring the dust still on it. I thought, tryin’t to remember what Old Spy taught me. He said something about copyin’ the other person that makes them like you more, so I drew a picture of Soldier drinkin’ outta a glass, hoping he would get the message.

“IT WAS GREAT,” Soldier said, tryin’ to figure out what the drawing meant. “BECAUSE WE HAD GREEN BEANS!”

I pointed at the board with the piece of chalk I found in the garbage. Realization hit him, and he pretended to take a sip as well. Sniper looked a little confused, but went along with it. Maybe this won’t be a crapshoot after all.

“Ya a fan of green beans?” Sniper said, setting the glass down. 

I quickly erased the image on the board and replaced it with one of Soldier settin’ down the glass. He gave me a slight nod and raised his glass above the table. Wait Soldier that is not what I meant-

“YES!” Soldier said, smashing the glass on the table. Sniper leaned back to avoid getting shards of glass on himself, wincing.

Well there goes that glass. Kinda impressive that it lasted that long in Soldier’s hand. There’s a reason nobody was allowed in Old Spy’s room, especially Soldier. Man he must be so disappointed in me.

“I… see you’re enthusiastic about green beans.” Sniper muttered. “Ya a fan of… huntin’?”

“YES!” Soldier said, not bothered by the glass at all. “I USED TO WRESTLE BEARS!”

“Really? Like Saxton Hale?”

“YES! I LIKE TO BE NAKED AND COVERED IN HONEY WHEN I FIGHT!”

I had tried to write a giant X on the board to get Soldier to stop once he had started talkin’, but he didn’t understand it and just kept going. Sniper gave him a grossed-out look, probably gettin’ flashbacks. I know I was. 

“Okay this ain’t workin’” I said, tryin’ to get the image of Soldier covered in honey out of my head.. 

Soldier frowned, lookin’ disappointed in himself, even though he didn’t even know what he did wrong.

“You guys wanna try dancin’?” I asked, hopin’ I could teach Soldier something useful today.

“I can’t get the image of him naked with honey lathered on him out of my head.” Sniper mumbled.

“Guess that’s a no then, huh.”

I thought. Dancin’ was out. Maybe we were movin’ too far ahead. Soldier hasn’t even asked Spy out yet. I don’t even think he knows how too. Actually I don’t even think he knows what dating even is. Guess we could start there.

“Okay, let’s back up a bit.” I said, dragging some chairs in front of the chalkboard to re-arrange the room a bit. Kinda looked like a classroom when I was done. Sniper stood next to me, a bit confused.

“Alright Soldier, take a seat!” I said, motionin’ towards the two chairs in front of the chalkboard.

“YES SIR!” Soldier said, marchin’ over and sittin’ down in one of the chairs.

“Ya got a plan mate?” Sniper asked, still confused about the whole thing.

“Yea!” I said. “I’m gonna teach Soldier what datin’ is ‘Cause I don’t think he knows.”

Sniper didn’t say anything, still confused, and still not entirely on board with this. He stood on the other side of the chalkboard while I drew three circles and labeled them “1”, “2”, and “3”. I think the three was backwards, but Soldier can’t read anyway so it didn’t matter.

“Alright!” I said, grabbin’ Soldier’s attention. “Do you know what these are?”

“CIRCLES!” Solider said grinnin’. I mean, he ain’t wrong.

“Well, yea. But they’re more than that!”

I drew a little arrow under the first one to represent where Soldier was currently with Spy.

“This little arrow here,” I said, pointing at the arrow with the piece of chalk. “Is where you are right now!”

“IN THE MOUNTAINS?” Soldier asked, confused.

“No ya dingus! This is where you are with Spy; First Base! This is where you both like each other but ya haven’t asked him out yet.”

Soldier nodded, scribbling notes on a scrap piece of wood with a piece of chalk he pulled out of his hat. Why the hell does he have so much garbage in his hat?

“We gotta get you to Second Base!” I said, pointing at the second circle. “That’s where you’re both datin’ each other and all happy and gushy!”

“WITH BLOOD?” He asked, looking up from his notes.

“What? No! With like, emotions ‘n stuff like that!”

Soldier nodded, continuing to scribble notes down. I turned to Sniper, grinnin’.

“Hey this is goin’ way better than I thought it would!” I said, nudging Sniper’s side. “He’s taken notes and everythin’!”

“Mate, you do realize Soldier can’t write, right?” Sniper said, giving me a kinda sad look. “Or even read?”

“Yea, but it’s the thought that counts! Plus I can’t read either… “

“If ya say so…”

Soldier finished scribbling notes, lookin’ up for more instructions. Still kinda surprised he’s goin’a long with all of this. Normally he would’ve gotten bored and attacked somethin’ before long.

“Alright!” I said, clapping my hands together. “To get ya to second base, ya gotta ask him out!”

I grabbed Sniper’s hand and pulled him in front of Soldier’s desk.

“Mate-?”

“Ask ‘em out Soldier!”

Soldier stopped writin’ and looked up at Sniper with a determined expression. Sniper tensed up, not likin’ the intense look he was suddenly gettin’ from Soldier.

“I WILL TAKE YOU OUT!” Soldier said.

“No not like that! Ya gotta say it’s for a date, dummy!”

“OH. I WILL TAKE YOU OUT ON A DATE!”

“Ya gotta ask, not demand him!”

“DO YOU WANT TO GO ON A DAT?!”

“Ya gotta be more subtle! Ask ‘em out for dinner!”

“DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT FOR DINNER?”

“Yea that’s how ya ask! Thank’s Snipes!”

Sniper just nodded and got out of the way, standin’ on the other side of the board again. He looked even more uncomfortable now.

“Okay!” I said, clapping my hands together to get the chalk off of my handwraps. “Now what are ya supposed to do after you ask them out to dinner?”

“TAKE THEM HUNTING!” He bellowed, grinnin’.

“What, no! Ya gotta take ‘em to a restaurant or somethin’ like that!”

“WHAT IF THEY LIKE HUNTING?” Soldier asked.

“Uhh… then I guess it’s okay then? Just take ‘em to a restaurant just in case!”

He nodded, and scribbled something down, flipping his wood scrap over when he ran out of room on one side. I was about to continue the lesson when Sniper tapped my shoulder.

“What’s up?” I asked.

Sniper just flicked his eyes towards the door.

“Oh. we’ll be right back Soldier!”

Me and Snipes left the room, and I closed the door behind us. Snipes leaned against the hallway wall, lookin’ a bit worried.

“Sooo…” I said. “Did ya need to pee or somethin’? ‘Cause ya don’t have to ask-”

“I don’t think this is working mate.” Sniper said, soundin’ tired.

“Whadya mean? It’s workin’ great! He’s learnin’ about datin’!”

He shook his head, sighin’. He rubbed the back of his neck.

“Mate, I don’t think we know enough about Spy to help Soldier with this.” He said, looking out of a window out of habit.

“We know a lot about Spy!” I said, standin’ my ground.

“Do ya now?” 

“Uh-huh!”

“What’s his favorite color then?”

I had to think about that one. Soldier found him checking out a yellow hat, even though there were other colors of the same hat on the rack, so I guess it’s yellow?

“Yellow!” I said, hidin’ the uncertainty I had.

“Alright. What’s his favorite type of music?” Sniper said, starin’ at me with mild irritation.

“Uhh-”

“What about food?”

“Well-”

“Clothing?”

“His suit?”

“That’s a uniform, doesn’t really count if ya have to wear it.”

“I think it counts!”

“Well what about his favorite things about Soldier? Why do ya think he even likes Soldier? That’s kinda important when you’re playing matchmaker, Scout.”

I was about to argue back, say something about how I was a great matchmaker or somethin’ stupid like that, but Sniper was right. I don’t know anythin’ about what Spy likes, and I don’t even know why he even likes Soldier. We can’t just force Soldier to be someone else, it would ruin the date.

My shoulders slumped in defeat while I sighed. This was all pointless then. All this broken glass and teachin’ was pointless.

“So what’s your grand plan?!” I asked, frustration turning to anger. “I’m sure ya have a great idea!”

“I do.” He said, crossing his arms. “Ya wait until he actually asks Spy on a date, then help him.”

That actually wasn’t that bad of an idea. It would be like when Old Spy tried to help me with my date with Miss Pauling. He just sat in the camera room and watched after given’ me some pointers.

“Huh.” I finally said. “Not that bad of a plan Snipes.”

Sniper nodded, satisfied. I guess we’ll just have to wait for Soldier to ask Spy out, and then help him not ruin his first date. Piece of cake! How hard could it be?

We heard a crash come from inside the room. Peeking through the window, we saw Soldier wrestling with the Chalkboard, yelling somethin’ about somthin’. This might be more difficult than I thought. Me and Sniper exchanged a look of concern.

“So we just gotta get them to set up a date?” I asked, turning towards Sniper.

“Yea.” Sniper said, still lookin’ through the window at Soldier’s rampage. “Assuming they’re both ready for that kinda thing.”

I nodded. I guess now I just have to wait for the others to get here. Hope they get here soon, so I don’t have to eat any more stupid green beans.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soldier is now ready for his date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scout's POV

Alright, we gotta plan. A pretty good one if I do say so myself.

First, we gotta help everyone unpack their garbage. They had actually gotten here pretty early in the mornin’. Normally this would suck since I usually wake up at noon, but it gave us some time for the next part of my plan. Also gives us time to eat breakfast.

After we unpack, we just gotta wait for everyone to go off and do their own thing so they don’t bother us. Soldier is gonna ask Lizard out on a date right after lunch. That’ll leave us enough time to actually choose a place to go out for dinner and get Soldier all fancy. Maybe we’ll even get a gift for Spy just to sweeten the deal a bit.

Sniper said he’d already asked Hardhat to hack into the cameras in the restaurant we choose. That way we can keep an eye on Soldier so he doesn’t break anythin’ important and get banned. Engie’s also been workin’ on some radios that fit in your ear, so we might actually be able to tell Soldier what to say. Cool right? Honestly I’m just glad Engie decided to help. I thought about askin’ Medic, but he scares me way too much.

Me and Soldier went to help Spy grab his stuff. Honestly, he didn’t really have much. It was just a hat stand and a sleeping bag. Didn’t he have a bed? Guess he got rid of it. His bed couldn’t have been worse than a freakin’ sleeping bag right? Whatever, if he wants to be weird I ain’t gonna stop him.

I was kinda hopin’ we would get some more time for them to talk to each other and, like, bond or somethin’. I thought grabbin’ his stuff would take a while, but it only took a few minutes since Soldier insisted on carryin’ everythin’ to Spy’s room. Now I gotta go help everyone else with their stupid rooms.

Okay, that’s done. Now I just gotta make lunch for everyone. I was kinda hopin’ I’d be able to let someone else take over ‘cause I hate cookin’, but I didn’t want to make Engie mad and have him take back his offer to help. We really needed those cameras.

I decided to make sandwiches before Heavy hogs the bread again. Everybody else was still rearrangin’ their rooms so they should be outta our way. Sniper was already done though, and has taken a seat in the dinin’ room.

“Sandwiches?” He asked, raisin’ his eyebrow.

“Yea!” I said. “Ya cool with that?”

Sniper nodded, grabbin’ the bologna from the fridge for me.

“Hey where’s Soldier?” I asked, suddenly realizing he’s still not here.

“Think he’s still buryin’ some stuff.” Sniper said, staring at the label on the mayo. ”Is this still good..?”

“Still?! He’s been out there for an hour-”

Soldier barged into the kitchen, butt-naked and holding his shovel with one hand.

“I HAVE FINISHED!” Soldier yelled proudly.

“Good job mate.” Sniper said, still tryin’ to read the mayo lable.

“Why aren’t you wearin’ any clothes?!” I said, lookin’ away from Soldier. At least he wasn’t werain’ any honey.

“I DIDN’T NEED THEM!”

“It’s, like, negative twenty degrees out there!” I said, still grossed out. “Ya know what, never mind. Just get some pants on before ya-”

Spy stepped through the doorway, thankfully distracted by his watch.

“ ‘Ello everyone-” Spy said, lookin’ up from his watch.

He stared at Soldier for a few moments, lookin’ more than a bit startled. It took all of his self-control not too look down. HIs face was a bit red too.

“...Scout!” Spy suddenly said, turnin’ towards me with an awkward grin “You’re making lunch? Good, I will be… back when it is ready.”

Spy was about to walk out before Soldier stopped him.

“WAIT!” Soldier yelled.

Spy paused, turnin’ around.

“Yes, Soldier?”

Soldier stood froze, suddenly gettin’ cold feet and losin’ all confidence he had earlier. He looked at me and Sniper with an uncertain look, practically beggin’ for help. I was still too grossed out to really do anythin’ other than give him a thumbs up, but Sniper managed to give him a nod. Soldier nodded back, turnin’ back around to face Spy again.

“DO YOU WANT TO GO TO A RESTAURANT FOR DINNER?” Soldier asked. Still lookin’ pretty ridged.

Spy looked a bit startled by the offer. He thought for a moment, his foot tappin’ the pine floor boards beneath him.

He looked… undecertain, starin’ at Soldier with a confused look. They started at eahc other for a moment, with Spy probably tryin’ to figure out if he was being serious or not. Realization hit him, and a small smile formed on his face.

“Dinner? That… would be nice.” He said. “Is six a good time or…?”

“SIX IS A GREAT TIME!” Soldier said, grinnin’. Spy returned the grin.

“Alright. I’ll… see you then.”

Spy walked out with a little bit of pep in his step. Soldier was beamin’, stanin’ tall and naked in the doorway. Man That guy really needed some clothing.

“Good job mate.” Sniper said, throwing away the mayonnaise. “Honeslty, I didn’t expect him to say yes.”

“Yea!” I said. “I didn’t think he would either!”

“I HAVE A DATE!” Soldier yelled, possibly waking up the entire mountain in the process.

I’ve never seen Soldier this happy before. Well, except for that time when he found a baby raccoon in the dumpster. 

“Okay but seriously ya gotta put some pants on!” I said, shovin’ him outta the kitchen.

“I WILL GO PUT ON MY BEST UNIFORM!” Soldier yelled, marching down the hallway.

“Yea you go do that mate.” Sniper said, taking a bite out of the sandwich I made him.

I ate my own sandwich. Kinda wished there was mayo on it, but it was expired.

“Ya still think this is gonna go well?” Sniper asked, takin’ another bite.

“Yea!” I said. “We just gotta choose a restaurant and get Spy some flowers or somethin’ like that.”

Sniper nodded, finishing his sandwich. He still looked like he still had some doubts.  
After lunch was over, Sniper left to go see if Engie was done with the cameras and radios. I decided to see what Soldier’s been up too. 

Weirdly, Soldier hasn’t been seen or heard for over an hour, which was a bad sign. Spy’s seemingly gone missin’ as well, although he’s always a bit hard to find, so that wasn’t new.

Passin’ by Soldier’s door, I could hear movement inside. Normally, Soldier wouldn’t be in his room, he’d be outside doin’ somethin’ like trainin’ or blowin’ stuff up with Demo. In fact, he usually tried to avoid his room unless he was asleep.

“Aye Soldier!” I shouted, knockin’ on his door. “Ya okay?”

Soldier opened his door.

“HELLO SCOUT!” He said, grinnin’ like an idiot.

“Hey!” I said, looking inside of his room. “Whatcha been up to?”

“I AM LOOKING FOR A GIFT!”

“For Spy?”

He nodded. He had dug up all of the stuff and had trashed his room going through it all. Old weapons, shirts, and raccoon food littered his once really clean room. Guess he didn’t find anythin’.

“Ya havin’ any luck? Doesn’t look like it.”

“I HAVE HAD GREAT LUCK!” He said, holdin’ up one of Demo’s bombs.

“Uhhh yea that’s a pretty sucky gift.”

“IT IS A GREAT GIFT!”

“For you maybe, not for Spy.”

I don’t know much about Spy, but I do know that he probably wouldn’t like an armed sticky bomb. We gotta get somethin’ else.

“...YOU… ARE RIGHT.” Soldier said, soundin’ disappointed.

“Aye don’t get so let down!” I said, tryin’ to cheer him up. “We just gotta go buy a gift he- HEY!”

Soldier had picked me up and started runnin’ to the door, passin’ by Engie and Sniper in the hallway.

“WE ARE GOING TO GET THE BEST GIFT!” Soldier yelled.

“Where are you two boys headn’?” Engie asked, runnin’ after us.

“TO THE STORE!”

“Alrighty then. Be back soon.”

Sniper was about to say somethin’, but he didn’t get the chance too. Soldier had basically just dragged me outside in the freezing weather.

“Soldier will ya slow down?!” I yelled, tryin’ to break free.

He stopped runnin’ and dropped me into the snow.

“Ow. Thanks… Soldier.” I said sarcastically.

I got up, brushin’ the snow off of my pants and shirt. Thankfully I was at least wearin’ some warmer clothing than earlier, so I won’t freeze to death. Soldier, on the other hand, was wearin’ a warmer version of his normal uniform, although it did look nicer than it usually did. Maybe it’s the lack of sand everywhere.

We were standin’ just outside the base. The wind wasn’t as bad now as it was earlier, but it was still cold. Least it wasn’t snowin’.

“Okay, so what do ya want to get ‘em?” I asked, tryin’ to figure out how to get a gift anyway. I think there’s a little village nearby, but I ain’t too sure.

“A RACCOON!” Soldier boomed. I guess he saw my face, because he changed it. “A BEAR!”

“Soldier, ya can’t just give people raccoons as a pet!

I sighed. This was gonna be worse than grocery shoppin’ isn’t it?

“How about we get ‘em some flowers?” I suggested. Yea, it’s pretty sappy, but at least it’s more romantic than a freakin’ rabid raccoon! Or a bear. It’s more romantic than a bear too.

“YES!” Soldier said. “THAT IS A GREAT IDEA!”

“I know right? Best idea I ever-”

He grabbed a tree log and jumped on it, pushin’ it down the mountain and grabbin’ me by the shirt and pulling me aboard his makeshift snowboard.

Before I could even figure out what was goin’ on he pushed the log we were on. The log inched forward before suddenly realizin’ that gravity was a thing and slid down the mountain with us on top. I screamed in sheer terror, clingin’ to Soldier’s back as he just barely missed the trees passin’ us like bullets.

Okay, I’ll admit I screamed a bit louder than I should have. I mean, ya can’t blame me can ya? Soldier was driving a log down the mountain like a maniac, and I didn't even know if we were goin’ the right way. You’d be scared I can tell ya that right now. Man I wish my motorbike didn’t break down a few bases ago. It wouldn’t really run in the snow but it’d be better than-

A stray tree branch hit me in the face, blurrin’ the surroundings a bit. Soldier was fine, of course, because of his stupid helmet he never took off. Which reminds me, I still gotta get Spy his batter’s helmet so he’ll stop gettin’ hit in the face.

“WE ARE HALFWAY THERE!” Soldier yelled, just barely managin’ to weave through some trees. One of the branches scraped my arm, tearin’ my shirt sleeve and

“Ow! We are?” I said, tryin’ to be heard over the noise. It would be great if I could see past Soldier’s big head without gettin’ decapitated by a tree branch.

I managed to crane my neck enough to see and not get hit by branches. I could see the warm, orange glow of the village at the bottom of the mountain. Honestly, it looked really invitin’, kinda like a campfire. Problem was, the light was comin’ from below us. Which means we were probably about to go off of a cliff and die.

“Soldier, CLIFF!” I yelled, hopin’ he would hear me.

“CLIFF?” He said, soundin’ confused.

He tilted his helmet up with his hand.

“CLIFF!” He said, not seemin’ too scared by it.

“TURN AWAY!” I yelled. He tried, but it’s not like a log could really be turned that easily.

“WE ARE GOING TO DIE LIKE MEN!”

“I don’t wanna die like men!”

I just hung onto to his back even tighter. We reached the edge of the cliff, becomin’ airborne. For a split second we were suspended in the cold winter air. It would’ve been kinda cool if we didn’t immediately start barreling down the mountain again.

We sped down the mountain again, zig-zaggin’ between trees and rocks. Thankfully, the village was comin’ up fast. Real fast. Like, so fast that we should probably find the breaks or somethin’.

“BRAKE!” I yelled, realizin’ there was a house right there.

“WE DON’T HAVE BRAKES!” Soldier said, pullin’ his helmet down to protect his face.

I braced for impact. The log we were ridin’ was lodged into a rock, and we were sent flyin’ into the air. I managed to maneuver myself into a pile of snow, while Soldier just collided with the house, makin’ a dent in the wall.

I got up, brushin’ the snow off of my clothes and checkin’ to see if I had any wounds. Other than a scratch on my upper arm, I seemed fine! Soldier on the other hand…

I walked over to Soldier. He had managed to get up from the ground, shakin’ the snow off himself like a dog. He seemed fine, aside from the brain damage he always seemed to have.

“WE HAVE ARRIVED!” He said, grinnin’ like an idiot.

“Yea I can see that!” I said, still sore. “It’s kinda obvious!”

“NOW WE HAVE TO GET THE GIFT!”

“Yea, gift. Right. Ya got a specific one in mind that ain’t a raccoon?”

“...NO.”

“Me neither.”

We decided to take a stroll through the village. It was actually kinda nice. The people, while probably confused about our little log adventure, were pretty nice. The streets had those fancy iron street lights that ya couldn’tt bend with a bulldozer, and the streets themselves had these weird stones that would make it a pain to use a car.

“I HAVE FOUND A STORE!” Soldier yelled, pointin’ at a buildin’.

“Ya did?” I ran over to take a look.

The store he had found seemed to be pretty big. Ya could see some cool stuff like really fluffy coats in the windows, so we should find somethin’ cool in here. Hehe, get it? Cool? ‘Cause we’re in the mountains? Classic Scout, always crackin’’ a joke.

I pushed the heavy pine doors open. The inside was a lot warmer, thankfully, and was lit-up by a mixture of candles and electric lights. Knick-knacks, clothing, and other weird stuff lined the shelves like candy. I might have to snag somethin’ for myself while we’re here.

“Wanna split up?” I asked Soldier.

“YES!” Soldier said, runnin’ off before I could even say anythin’g else.

“...huh.”

I looked around. The store really wasn’t that organized, so It was kinda hard to find anythin’ worth given’. It didn’t help that I have no clue what Spy likes. I know what the old spy liked; He liked fancy things like wine and weird-smellin’ cigarettes and those cheesy romance novels where the girl dies at the end.

I continued to browse, findin’ nothing worthwhile. Man this is harder than I thought it would be. What does Spy even like? What screams “romantic” to him? I’m pretty sure it’s not a fur-lined coat! Although this thing does feel pretty warm…

No! I gotta focus. We don’t have a whole lotta time to choose. The date’s in three hours and I think we forgot to tell Spy the name of the restaurant they’re gonna go to.

I noticed a guy in the same aisle as me. He was checkin’ out some coffee cups, the real cheesy ones that said “#1 Boss” and things like that.

“Hey!” I said, walkin’ up to him.

“ ‘Sup.” He said, putin’ the cup down.

“Nothin’ much, just lookin’ for a romantic gift is all.”

The guy turned towards me. For a second, he seemed like he recognized me from somewhere.

“...Romantic?” He said, pickin’ up another cup that had a paintin’ of a mountainscape on it.

“Yea!”

“I haven’t found anythin’ romantic here. Just junk.”

“That sucks. Whaddya here for?”

“I’m looking for a gift for my boss.”

Huh. This guy must have a really good boss if he’s willin’ to come all the way out here for a gift.

“Huh. Find anythin’ for him at least?” I said.

“Not really. He might like this cup though.” He said, examinin’ the mug carefully.” He drinks enough coffee to at least have some use for it.”

“Get ‘em the cup then! Can’t hurt!”

“Alright. You think he’ll like it?”

“Yea, he’ll probably like the coffee c- Hey! Where’d ya go”

He was gone without a trace. Was it somethin’ I said? Maybe I’m just sufferin’ from brain damage thanks to Soldier’s wonderful log-drivin’ skills.

I continued my search, becomin’ more and more disheartened as I scoured the shelves. There was literally nothing romantic here! There are piles and piles of junk, but nothin’ that would be even a little bit romantic. Man this place sucks!

“I HAVE FOUND A GIFT!” Soldier bellowed from across the store.

Great! Now we can get outta here.

“YA DID?” I yelled back, runnin’ across the store and jumpin’ over shelves to get to where he was.

“YES!” He said, with all the enthusiasm of a freight train.

I managed to find him. He was cheerfully standin’ in the middle of the aisle, gettin’ some weird looks from the other customers as he held up his gift.

“WE CAN GET SPY THIS!” He yelled, holdin’ his chosen gift above his head.

In his hands was a scarf. It looked hand-knitted, striped with yellow and baby blue, although it looked a little frayed in some places. I looked up at Soldier, who was grinnin’ with pride over his gift.

“A...scarf.” I said. “That ain’t exactly the most romantic thing, Soldier.”  
“IT IS VERY ROMANTIC!” Soldier said, still grinnin’.

“It really isn’t! Ya know what? Forget it. We’re runnin’ outta time anyway. Let’s just grab a box and g-”

“AFFIRMATIVE!”

Soldier grabbed my arm and yanked, pullin’ me through the store. He grabbed a cardboard box on his way out, shovin’ the scarf into it and tying it with some string he found on the ground.

“Soldier LET GO!” I yelled. He didn’t listen, and just continued to pull me through the store like a ragdoll. 

He dragged me outside, lettin’ go of my arm finally. I got up from the ground.

“WHADDYA DO THAT FOR!?” I yelled, throwin’ my arms up in frustration.

“YOU SAID WE WERE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!” He said, diggin’ in the snow with his hands.

“Well yea! But that don’t mean ya gotta drag me through- wait what are ya doin’?”

I leaned over his shoulder, dodgin’ a clump of snow thrown over his shoulder. He pulled out a rusty rocket-launcher, as well as a few rockets. Man this guy really does have random garbage buried everywhere doesn’t he?

“Why do ya have a rocket launcher here?” I asked, takin’ a step back as he stood up adn grinned.

“WE ARE GOING TO GO UP THE MOUNTAIN!” He said, loadin’ the launcher.

Well no duh. It’s not like we could just ride a log up the mountain. Gravity doesn’t work like that. I think.

“Okay, I get that we need to get up the mountain but what does a rocket-launcher have to- ”

I cut myself off. I know exactly why he would need a rocket-launcher to get up the mountain.

“Oh no.” I said. “Nuh-uh. Nope. Not doin’ it!”

Soldier tucked the box under his arm, then turned to me.

“IT’S TIME TO MAKE AMERICA PROUD!”

“But I don’t wanna make America proud!”

Suddenly, he grabbed me, tuckin’ me under his arm next to the box and aimin’ the launcher at the ground.

“READY, MAGGOT?” He yelled, grinnin’.

“NO!” I said, clingin’ to the box like a baby.

He didn’t seem to care how not-ready I was, so I just l clung to the package tighter. He braced himself, then fired his launcher, sending us both flying through the air. No, I didn’t scream! I just shouted a little… okay a lot.

We ended up crashin’ into the wall of the base, leavin’ a dent. Turns out, brick ain’t as soft as snow. 

“WE ARE HERE!” Soldier yelled.

“Yea no kiddin’” I said, gettin’ up off of the ground. “It’s not like I couldn’t have figured that out or anythin’!”

I brushed the snow off of me. Alright, we have the gift, now we just gotta get Soldier ready for his date. I turned towards him to see how not-romantic he was.

Soldier was standin’ in front of me, grinnin’, and holdin’ the now crumpled-up box in his hands. He was determined, but definitely not dressed for any sort of fancy dinner.

“Alright!” I said. “Ya got the gift! Now what do we do next?”

“WE GO TO DINNER!” Soldier said proudly.

“No! Ya ain’t dressed for dinner! Ya gotta get fancy!”

He nodded, and followed me inside. We passed by Demo and Heavy, who were both drinkin’ in the kitchen, and headed to the storage room of this base. Maybe we can find somebody’s old suit or somethin’ like that.

“Alright Soldier, help me find a suit or something’!” I said. “Make sure it’s fancy!”

Soldier nodded and immediately started diggin’ through the piles of garbage, still clingin’ to the box tucked under his arms.

“Scout! Ya have a moment?”  
I looked up to see Engie, who was standin’ in the doorway with Sniper.

“Yea!” I said, walkin’ over. “What’s up?”

“The cameras are ready.” Engie said, lookin’ real proud of himself.

“We chose that restaurant in the town.” Sniper said, lookin’ really tired. “It’s not… that fancy.”

“What kinda place is it?” I asked, relieved. I haven;t really found anythin’ in these piles other than some coats and scouts.

“Barbie.” Sniper said.

“BBQ? That’ll work!” I said.

“Good.” Engie said, handin’ me an earpiece. “Radio’s up and runnin’ as well.”

“Sweet! Aye Soldier, c’mere! I got somethin’ for ya!”

Soldier perked up and walked over.

“YES?” He asked. I handed him the earpiece. He looked down at in confusion, not knowin’ what it it.

“It’s an earpiece!” I said, motionin’ to my ear. “Ya put it in your ear!”

Soldier stared at me blankly for a moment before gently putin’ it in his ear. At least, as gently as Soldier could ever do anythin’.

“The radio is hooked up in the surveillance room.” Engie said, startin’ to walk out. “Everythin’ should be runnin’ smoothly.”

“Thank’s Engie!” I said.

“You’re welcome.”

Sniper gave me a thumbs-up before followin’ Engie out. Great! Everythin’ ready!

“Alright! Ya ready for your date?”

Soldier stood at attention and nodded. 

“I AM READY!”

“Great! Let’s get goin’ in…” I checked the clock on the wall. It was 5:45

“Now. Crap, we gotta get you there now!”

Soldier nodded, determination plastered onto his face. He ran down the hallway, pushin’ aside Pyro and runnin’ out the door, with the box still tucked under his arm. Pyro gave me a confused mumble.

“He’s just runnin’ late.” I said, runnin’ down the hall.

I headed to the surveillance room, ready to start the next part of my plan. Hopefully Soldier will be able to get to the restaurant in time. I mean, I know Spy’s nice enough to not mind, but it’s still a bad sign if ya late to your first date.


	7. The Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soldier and Spy finally go on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scout's POV

Turns out, the surveillance room is kinda cool. Normally, nobody would be in here unless the Administrator wanted to give us a message or somethin’, but now it’s been repurposed as a way to spy on the restaurant. Kinda cool honestly. Plus, the chair is comfy.

Screens of various sizes lined the back wall, showin’ all of the important places like the kitchen and storage area. The bathrooms didn’t have a camera in them, obviously, but the cameras still showed pretty much everythin’. Even the respawn machine room had a camera, although it was broken. The camera labeled “lab” was broken too, although that one is probably on purpose.

“Why’s the one in the respawn machine room broken?” Sniper asked. He was standin’ next to my chair, lookin’ worried as usual.

“They’re old cameras.” Engie said, checkin’ on some wires. “Cold probably damaged ‘em while we were gone.”

Sniper didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t say anythin’ else about it. Engie finished checkin’ the wires that led to the monitor in front of me.

“Should be good to go.” He said, gettin’ up and leanin’ against my chair. “Ya just gotta turn it on.”

“Thanks again you guys!” I said, turnin’ on the monitor. “Wouldn’t have been able to do it without you two!”

Engie just grinned. Sniper crossed his arms, waitin’ for the monitor to warm up. Soon the screen turned on, showin’ Soldier and Spy sittin’ at a table. Spy was dressed in a slightly nicer suit than usual, while Soldier just in his snow-covered uniform, still wearin’ his helmet. At least his helmet hid the earpiece a little.

“Hey it works!” I said, turnin’ up the volume so we could hear them talk. “Aye Solier can ya hear me?”

“AFFIRMATIVE!” Soldier yelled.

“Soldier? Are you alright?” Spy asked, startled.

Shit. I didn’t expect Soldier to respond out loud.

“Soldier! Ya could’ve just nodded!” I said. “Just nod from now on!”

Soldier opened his mouth, about to respond, but then he closed it and nodded. Spy looked very confused and more than a little concerned.

“Soldier?” Spy asked, soundin’ pretty concerned.

“I AM FINE!” Soldier said, suddenly rememebrin’ that Spy was there.

“...Are you... Sure?”

“YES!”

“...Alright.”

Spy went back to lookin’ over the menu, given’ Soldier a worried look every so often. Thankfully, he didn’t bother Soldier about it anymore, and just started to flip through the menu. Thanks to some smart plannin’ by Hardhat, we were able to see what was on Soldier’s menu as he flipped through the pages. Problem was, there was no pictures, and the camera was too grainy to see the writin’ on the page.

“Can you guys see this?” I asked, pointin’ at the screen. “‘Cause I can’t.”

Engie took off his goggles and squinted at the screen. He shook his head.

“No. Sorry.” Engie said, putin’ his goggles back on. “Brisket Is probably on there though.”

“Sniper?”

Sniper leaned in closer, then just shook his head. Even his eagle-eyes couldn’t see anythin’.

“Alright! Soldier, just get whatever Spy’s havin’!”

Soldier nodded, puttin’ down the menu. A beat of silence followed.

“WHAT ARE YOU GETTING?” Soldier asked.

“I’m… not too sure.” Spy said. “Although the shredded pork sounds pretty nice-”

“THEN I WILL GET THE SHREDDED PORK!”

“Alright.”

A waiter came by and took their orders. So far, this was goin’ better than expected. Soldier hasn’t done anything stupid like flip the table, and Spy didn’t just cloak and run off. Problem was, that was the easy part. NOw we gotta deal with the hard part: the conversation.

“Alright Soldier! Time for the hard part!” I said, holdin’ the microphone close so he could hear. “Ya gotta strike up a convo to fill the silence so it ain’t awkward!”

Soldier nodded, lookin’ up at Spy, who was just checkin’ out the silverware. I guess It could be considered lucky that he looked just as awkward as Soldier was.

“I WOULD LIKE TO START A CONVERSATION!” Soldier suddenly yelled, startlin’ Spy.

“You would?” Spy said, placin’ the fork back down on the napkin. “About what?”

“ABOUT… ABOUT... “

Soldier froze, and looked nervous. Of course the one time we actually want him to talk about somehtin’ he can’t think of anythin’ to say! I’d say I’m mad, but I couldn’t think of anythin’ to talk about either.

“Ya can talk about… uh… guys ya got anythin’?”

“Guns?” Sniper suggested.

“Nah, not that.”

“Machines?” Engie suggested.

“Nobody cares about your stupid teleporters, Hardhat!”

Engie grumbled somethin’. This was bad. Do we really have nothin’ to talk about? What does Spy even like talkin’ about? He ain’t exactly the most talkative person in the base. All I got was that he likes hats. That’s it! Literally just hats!

Solider was still waitin’ for a response from us.

“Just talk about the weather or somethin’!” I said, buryin’ my face into my hands. This was a disaster already. We tripped on the second hurdle! Old Spy is rollin’ in his grave!

“IT IS VERY SNOWY!” Soldier said.

“Yes... it is.” Spy said.

This guy has a lot more patience than I do. Honestly if this was my date I’d just leave and make ‘em pay for the food.

More uncomfortable silence followed. Soldier squirmed in his chair, Engie checked the time on one of the other screens, and Sniper just kinda stared at the screen. Suddenly, Spy perked up a bit.

“Are you a fan of cold weather?” Spy said, tryin’ just as hard as we are to start up a conversation. 

“NO!” Soldier said. “IT’S TOO COLD!”

“I see. I’ll admit, I’m not that a very big fan either... However, one of my favorite missions took place in the mountains.”

Soldier perked up. Yes, a mission! This’ll be a cool story. Plus, Soldier won’t have to talk much, so there’s little room for a screw up!

“REALLY?” Soldier said, suddenly interested.

“Yes. I can’t tell you all the details, obviously, but I can tell you a little bit.”

Soldier was smilin’, actually enjoyin’ the date for once.

“Whaddya guys watchin’?” Demo said from behind me. “Looks like a sitcom.”

“It’s Soldier and Spy’s date!” I said.

Demo raised an eyebrow and walked over, leanin’ against the back of my chair.

“Date?” He said, soundin’ surprised.

“Yea!” I said. “Wanna help?”

“Sure.”

Thankfully, Demo didn’t seem as drunk as he usually was. Spy was still talkin’ about his mission. Honestly, it was soundin’ kinda cool. Kinda wished I was actually payin’ attention.

“-Although I managed to escape from him by going to the roof and locking the door behind me, i still had to escape.” Spy said, a huge smile on his face. “So I had to steal a jet ski that was modified to work on snow.”

Soldier himself looked pretty into the story too, watchin’ from underneath his helmet with awe.

“Aww…” Demo said, grinnin’.

“...huh.” Sniper said, soundin’t a bit surprised. “Guess this whole thing might work after all.”

“Well duh!” I said. “That’s ‘cause it’s my idea!”

Sniper just shook his head and continued watchin’ Spy tell his story. Honestly, it sounded like it was a pretty cool mission. Spy had to steal some stuff and escape by stealin’ a snow ski and then had to jump out of it when a rocket was fired at it.

I leaned back in the chair, watchin’ as my plan worked it’s magic. The date wasn’t a disaster, it wasn’t borin’, it was just great! Maybe they’ll last after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for how short it is. I was going to combine it with the next chapter, but it would have been way too long, so I broke it up.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spy's POV

Dinner was turning out... better than I thought it would have. Other than that awkwardly aimed camera in the corner, things were going… well.

I had arrived at the barbecue place (on time, thankfully) that Scout told me to go too, since Soldier never told me where exactly this dinner was going to happen. It smelled like bacon from the outside, and seemed pretty cozy on the inside.

Normally I would just cook for myself, but this shouldn’t be too bad If I could find something not too greasy. My stomach still hasn’t recovered from my drinking adventure I had with Scout a day ago. Maybe I need to start staying away from alcohol…

When Soldier had first asked me to go out to dinner with him, I half suspected it was a joke of some sort that Scout or Demo or Scout was orchestrating. Soldier wouldn’t want to take someone to dinner, at least, not someone like me. Never.

And Yet, it wasn’t a joke or dare, as far as I could tell. Soldier had genuinely wanted to go to dinner with me.

Why?

I like him. I’ve liked him ever since our first training session. His… enthusiastic but ultimately useless attempts to teach me how to rocket jump were… admirable. Even when he found out I wasn’t strong enough to lift the launcher he still tried to teach me, convinced that I could. He even gave me some lectures about war from a book he read (although I don’t know if he can even read). I don’t know 

I was very excited when he had first asked, getting an unfamiliar, warm feeling in my stomach, although I wasn’t sure if it was an actual date or just a dinner with a teammate at the time. Honestly, I’m still not entirely sure. Soldier didn’t really seem like the sort of person that would fall for me. He didn’t really seem like he would have fallen for anyone, really. Except maybe America itself, if his nightly shouting match with everyone else is any clue.

I’m still not sure why he would fall for me. I… almost know why I fell for him. He’s honest, genuine, rather cheerful. Despite his… quirks… I can say with confidence that he is the most trustworthy member of the team. He’s loyal, and would never plant a knife in your back, even if it would benefit him somehow. He’s surprisingly kind, and very team-oriented, despite his rough exterior. In fact, he was the first person to offer to help me, other than Sniper of course. Even when he realized he probably couldn’t teach me anything, he still offered to try, never once faltering in his conviction, doubt never once crossing his mind. He’s stubborn, certainly, but in a good way.

I still don’t know however, why he would fall for me. I’m a spy. We’re not really supposed to have partners or teams or love interests. We’re supposed to be cold and calculating. We work alone, live alone, and die alone.

Unlike him, with his very muscular build, I was rather weak. My battle style is somewhat cowardly, only taking one enemy at a time. His involved facing enemies with no fear, oftentimes facing more than four enemies at once. He never faltered, even in dire situations. Never showed any shred of fear. 

I wish I had his bravery.

Despite that, looking at Soldier sitting across from me, I can see he is at the very least interested in me. He gave me a scarf with my favorite colors on it. He listens to my fairly mundane tale about stealing a package and a modified jet ski with deep interest. He tries to help me in battle if he can (even though, in most situations, it would have been better if he didn’t). Yes he, at the very least, sees me as a good friend. A teammate.

It still didn’t make a lot of sense, although I suppose romance doesn’t always follow logic.

Our food has arrived. Thankfully, the food looked pretty good. A bit too greasy, but this is a barbeque place so I shouldn’t be too surprised. I finished my tale (It was nearly done anyway), and we ate. 

Turns out, this is the best shredded pork and coleslaw I have ever had. It’s very, very messy though, and has enough grease to kill a man. At least we had forks.

I looked up at Soldier. He was currently shoveling food into his mouth, completely ignoring his utensils. Messy and loud, as usual.

I continued to eat. Why does Soldier like me? He seemed to gravitate towards me even when I had just joined the team. Was it because I was new? Did he like how I looked? He can’t really see enough of me to make a judgment on my appearance… I hope.

It might just be how polite I tried to be to everyone. I only agreed to train with him because I wanted to make a good impression. I didn’t expect him to actually enjoy my company. Then again, I didn’t expect the other members of the team to be as inviting as they did. I half expected them to just let me sink or swim on the battlefield. I was a Spy after all, I’m supposed to be good at adapting.

But they didn’t. Sniper gave me a pleasant tour, Scout tried to teach me how to run fast, and Soldier really tried to teach me how to rocket-jump. It was a pleasant surprise coming from men who kill for a living. I didn’t expect them to be as friendly as they were, especially Sniper. I’m more surprised that he doesn’t hate me now more than ever.

I took another bite of my food. Soldier was already nearly done, even though it’s only been about ten. I should probably just take the rest of this as take-out so he doesn’t have to wait for me.

“ARE YOU OKAY?”

I jumped. Soldier’s incredible volume is still something I can’t quite get used to. It’s not… piercing per say… just very, very loud. It carries well in an enclosed space like the restaurant.

I looked up. Soldier was looking at me with deep concern. He still had a handful of shredded pork in his hand, and the sauce and grease were starting to drip onto the table.

“ARE YOU OKAY?” He repeated, a bit louder this time, a bit more full of concern.

“I’m alright Soldier.” I said, giving him a hopefully reassuring smile. “I’m just a bit of a slow eater is all.”

“YOU DO NOT LIKE THE FOOD.” He said flatly. He sounded so disappointed in himself.

“No! It’s not it at all, Soldier. Actually this is some of the better food I’ve had recently..”

Soldier grinned, showing his teeth. He resumed eating, scarfing down the remainder of his food. I asked the waiter for a to-go box and put the contents of my plate in it. Not sure how well they’ll be as left-overs, but it’ll be better than Pyro’s breakfast for certain. The Pyro is many things, but a good chef they are not.

It took me a few seconds to realize that Soldier was staring at me again. I wasn’t quite sure why he was. I suppose he is thinking?

“YOU ARE VERY PRETTY!” He said suddenly.

“I… am?” I said.

“YES!”

I looked down. My suit was covered in grease and barbeque sauce despite my best efforts, and my face was mostly covered by my mask, so I wasn’t quite sure why he would say that.

“Thank… you?” I said, confused.

“NO, WAIT.” He said, thinking again. “YOU ARE…”

I waited patiently. I wasn’t sure what he was trying to say, but it sounded like it was going to be a compliment.

He suddenly pounded the table in frustration, rattling our empty plates and his helmet. 

“Soldier?!” I said, standing up as well. “What is the matter?”

He just stood there staring at me, looking irate. He gained new resolve and stood up and walked towards me, stopping less than a foot in front of me. Funnily enough, he was about half a foot shorter than I was, although it was still a bit uncomfortable for him to be in my personal space. 

My stomach felt… warm again, like I had just drunk a full bottle of ale, but without the burning throat that often accompanied it. It was... pleasant.

“Soldier?” I asked, not entirely sure what he was about to do.

He stood still, fists clenched at his sides and staring up at me with determination and resolve. He was thinking, debating in his mind his next move. What was he planning on doing? I hope it didn’t involve another rocket launcher. He opened his mouth, but I noticed his ear seemed off. 

The warm feeling in my stomach turned sour and cold. Wedged in his ear was a small metal earpiece, possibly a radio. I hadn’t noticed it earlier since his helmet covered the top half of his face. But now, with his face tilted up at me, I could clearly see the radio now. He was bugged, or possibly not even Soldier. I clenched my jaw. This was a rouse, a scam. A fabricated event made by… someone. Clauden? No, he’s dead. Soldier, why?

He was about to do something, but I didn’t get to see it. Before he could blink, I grabbed his hand. For a split second, he looked excited, grinning and showing his teeth. His grin faded when I wrenched his hands behind his back and pinned him to the table, taking the earpiece out of his ear. He was much stronger than me, but not flexible enough to get out of this situation. I kept a firm grip on his wrists, possibly a little too firm.

I put the earpiece in my ear, glaring at the camera that had been aimed at us this entire time. I noticed it earlier, but It just seemed like a normal security camera. I guess it was a little too nicely placed...

“Who are you?” I said as lowly as I could. “And what do you want?”

For a moment, there was nothing but silence. Then a familiar voice crackled onto the radio.

“Dude chill it’s just me!” Scout said, sounding scared. “It’s just us!”

It was just Scout. Nobody malicious, just… Scout.  
Other familiar voices were heard in the background, all shouting at each other. The cold lump of dread I had in my chest melted into relief. It wasn’t a rouse. At least, not one by anyone malicious. I let go of Soldier’s arms and let him get back up. He did an about-face to turn towards me, looking sheepish. His face was red.

“Scout?” I said, still a bit confused. “Why would you…?”

“Uh.. bit of a long story.” Scout said. “Basically, me and Sniper wanted to help you two get a date, but Soldier sucks at datin’ so we had to do this so he wouldn’t just ruin it, ya know?”

“...That explains some things… What about everyone else?”

“Well they just kinda wanted to watch. Engie set up the cameras and Sniper helped with gettin’ him ready but I think he went to the bathroom.”

“Oh.”

I removed the earpiece from my ear and gave it back to Soldier. That’s why he was acting strange earlier, he was listening to two conversations at once. That is… sweet. Unfortunately I probably just ruined the date by pinning him to a greasy table.

“Soldier? Are you alright?” I said, suddenly realizing he was still in front of me.

He just silently nodded, clenching the earpiece in his fist. This is it. I’ve possibly ruined my chances with him by letting my paranoia get the best of me. I mentally sighed.

“Soldier I’m… sorry.” I said, shifting a bit. “I thought you were bugged by… someone.”

Soldier didn’t say anything. He just stared at me. I couldn’t see his eyes, thankfully, but I could tell he wasn’t happy. I suppose he was just as lost as I was. I… suppose this counts as a betrayal in his eyes.

I sighed and picked up my box of leftovers from the table. Perhaps this wasn’t meant to be anyway. I’m too paranoid, he’s too… loud and scatterbrained. Maybe he knows we aren’t supposed to be together. 

So why is he still staring at me like that?

“Are you coming Soldier?” I asked. “If you want I could-”

He grabbed my hand before I could finish. He clung to it for a moment, thinking of what to say or do. He was holding my hand firmly, but gently, like he didn’t want me to leave but he didn’t want to let go either. He stared at me, jaw clenched. His other fist tightened into a ball.

For a moment, everything else around us blurred, becoming irrelevant. I felt that warm feeling returning to my stomach as I stared at him. He had a strong jawline, and very bright eyes. He’s... adorable.

He stared up at me, a smile spreading across his face. I smiled back. Maybe this will work out. Maybe I can have a partner. Maybe I can-

Soldier suddenly grabbed the sides of my face and pulled me down. It was… supposed to be a kiss, but we didn’t quite connect. Rather than connecting with his lips, he ended up smashing my face into his helmet. I took a step back, slightly dazed. I think he broke my nose.

“ARE YOU OKAY?” Soldier asked, sounding concerned and guilty. 

“I’m fine.” I said. I sounded like I had a cold. “I think my ‘ose bwoke.”

“I WILL GO GET MEDIC!”

“Soldier you don’t have to-”

“THEN I WILL GET A BAND-AID!”

Before I could say anything, he was off. He pushed aside some random customers before running out the door. I sighed and sat down.

Blood was running from my nose and dripping onto my clothing, including the scarf he got me. I plugged my nose with my napkin to stem the bleeding.

“Are you okay?” The waiter asked, looking just as surprised as I was. “I can go get you another napkin.”

“No thank you.” I said. “I think my… partner has it covered.”

“Alright.”

She walked away to go tend to the other tables. I thought about waiting here for Soldier to return, but then I realized Soldier was… unattended. I winced, realizing that there was a reason he’s always with another member of the team when he goes on missions.

I picked the earpiece up from the floor and went to go find Soldier before he tore the village apart. This was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short-ish chapter.


	9. Back in the Survalence Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scout realizes that Soldier is an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scout's POV

Well that coulda gone way better.

Of course, the moment they were actually about to do somethin’ intrestin’, Soldier just had to go and smash Spy’s face into his stupid helmet. He coulda done somethin’ stupid like that at any other time but no! It just had to be then! Fuck!

I put my head down on the table and groaned. This whole thing was goin’ okay until knuckle-head decided to go too hard on the kiss! The kiss is like, the most important part ya know! Ya can’t just screw it up that badly! Actually I don’t think you’re even supposed to kiss on the first date.

“It’s alright, son.” Engie said, patting my shoulder. “Soldier will have another chance.”

“Yea laddy. Ya can’t push this kinda thing.” Demo said, puttin’ a can of beer next to me.

“Yea right!” I said, grabbin’ the can. “This whole thing was a disaster. This literally couldn’t have gone worse!”

“Well…” Medic said, grinnin’. “Given that it is herr Soldier we are talking about…”

I groaned. He had a point, this coulda been way worse, coulda been a lot better. Maybe we can try again later. I opened the can of booze and took a gulp. Maybe I should just go to bed. Ain’t much more I can do, other than complain some more.

“We lost them.” Engie said.

“What?” I said, looking up at the screen. Spy had been there before, watin’ for Soldier to get back, but now he was gone.

“Does the radio still have a signal?” Medic asked, leaning forward.

“No.” Engie said, shakin’ his head. “I think Soldier broke it.”

Great! Now we didn’t even know where they are! Now I can’t even give Soldier datin’ tips so he can fix this whole thing. I chugged the rest of the beer and stood up.

“Alright! That’s it!!” I said, throwing my hands up into the air. “I’m goin’ to bed.”

I walked down the hall towards my room, stoppin’ in my tracks when my stomach rumbled. Guess I could grab a quick snack before goin’ to bed.

I walked past everyone's rooms and into the kitchen, openin’ the fridge door. There wasn’t much, other than some eggs, booze and ham. I kinda wished Sniper would go huntin’, so we’d have moose burgers or somethin’ like that. I can’t even use the ham to make a sandwich since Heavy claimed it.

I closed the fridge, frustrated. The one time I actually want a snack there ain’t anythin’ to eat. Maybe there’s somethin’ other than green beans in the cabinets.

I opened the cabinets. There were still way too many green beans, although it wasn’t just green beans this time. There were some normal beans in there too.

“Why the hell are there so many green beans?!” I yelled to no one in particular.

“Because that’s what you bought!” Engie shouted from down the hall. “Next time read the label if ya don’t want green beans!”

“You know I can’t read!” I shouted back.

“There’s pictures on the can ain’t there?”

“...maybe.”

“So you were just too lazy to check then.”

I grumbled. He was right though, I did buy the green beans. Not on purpose, duh, but I still bought them. Good thing there’s canned peaches back here!

I enjoyed my can of peaches, leanin’ against the table and just listinin’ to the howling wind movin’ the tree leaves outside.

Man, this whole datin’ thing really didn’t work out did it? I mean, it could’ve been worse, but I think Soldier just ruined his chances with Spy. Guy’s polite, but I think havin’ his nose smashed would be his limit. Old Spy must be rollin’ in his grave.

Although Spy didn’t seem too upset. He just kinda looked more surprised than anything. Honestly, at least now I know they definitely like each other, so it ain’t just a shot in the dark. Maybe all of this can be salvaged then. Yea, I could set up a second date, one that won’t end in either of them gettin’ a broken nose!

I grinned, already gettin’ some new ideas. I could send ‘em to a park… okay scratch that we’re in the mountains, so maybe like a moose ride? Is that romantic? Probably. Ooh! I can- wait, what the hell is that?!

A shadow in the window interrupted my thoughts. At first, I thought it was a tree branch, but once I actually realized somethin’ was movin’, the shadow was gone.

I stared at the window for a moment, then put down my empty can of peaches and grabbed a shotgun that was by the door. 

Honestly, it’s probably just Cyclops or Mumbles playin’ a prank on me. Heck, even if it’s some random dude tryin’ to break in, I’ll be able to handle ‘em! I hope.

I crept out of the house, lookin’ for someone who ain’t supposed to be there. Problem was, there was no one. Even when I circled the base, I didn’t find anythin’. Not even footprints. Nothin’ but the cold air and wind.

Huh. Weird. Maybe I was just imaginin’ things? I am kinda tired…

I stood in the snow for a while, just kinda starin’ into the trees. Somthin’ seemed off. It was like that feelin’ when a spy is snakin’ around, ya know somethin’ there but ya can’t quite tell were.

“Hello?” I said, hopin’ whoever was there was an idiot. “Anyone there?”

No answer. Honestly, it may have just been a deer or moose or somethin’ like that. Probably scared it off when I opened the door.

I shuddered. Probably should’ve grabbed a coat, but whatever. I headed back inside, feelin’ a bit disappointed that I didn’t find anybody. I mean, I’m glad I didn’t, since that would be bad, but it was still kinda pointless for me to grab a gun ya know?

I put the shotgun back by the door and threw away the empty can of peaches. Usually I forget about my cans and get a lecture from Hardhat, but I remembered it this time.

I went down the hall, walkin’ past Pyro’s and Heavy’s room and gettin’ to mine. I changed into PJs and slipped into bed, rollin’ over and pullin’ the covers up to my chest. Despite my best efforts, I still couldn’t shake the feelin’ of being watched. I looked over to my bat, which was beside my bed. Good, least I have somethin’.

it took a while to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, this chapter and the last one could've been smashed together, but I hate doing POV shifts mid-chapter, so I split them up.


	10. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soldier and Spy have a talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spy's POV

The air was bitterly cold. Any sound I made was muffled by the howling winds and damp snow that chilled me to my bones. I suppose I should be lucky that it wasn’t snowing, otherwise I might actually be in trouble. The scarf Soldier gave me is warm enough, but probably wouldn’t hold off any more snow.

Soldier was nowhere to be found. Normally, finding him isn’t a problem. He’s loud enough for anyone to find him, even someone with severe hearing loss. And yet, despite my fairly sharp hearing there was nothing to be heard but the wind. No shouting, no stary explosions, nothing but the cold silence of the valley. 

Normally, I would like this sort of serene silence, but now it put me on edge.

Truthfully, I'm a bit worried about him. I’m sure he’s had enough training to survive these conditions, but he did seem upset when he ran off to go find a band-aid. That could cloud his judgment, and lead to… unfortunate events that I would rather not think about.

I found fresh footprints in the snow. They were from steel-toed combat boots with worn-down soles. I followed them into the woods, following a seldom-used path.

Twigs and frozen pine needles broke beneath my weight as I followed the path through the trees. Normally, I am more silent when I am searching for somebody, but I didn’t want to stay hidden this time. I didn’t want to startle him.

I owe Soldier an apology. I shouldn’t have pinned him to the table like that. I didn’t really even have a good reason too. It was just unfounded paranoia, fueled by nothing more than my instincts. I don’t think Soldier would harm me… not intentionally at least.

I heard the faint sound of crunching needles next to me. I froze in place, instinct taking over as I slowly turned my head towards the noise. It turned out to just be a curious deer. It stared at me for a moment, glass-like eyes searching for any sign of a threat, and then ran off into the woods, disappearing into the snowy foliage. I stood still for a while, then resumed my own path through the taiga.

Thankfully, I didn’t have to travel much farther. I found Soldier in a clearing near a frozen lake, sitting on a log. He was… silent, and seemed to be upset. I quietly sat next to him, twiddling my thumbs as the seconds counted by.

“ ‘Ello Soldier-” I said, but was interrupted.

“I COULD NOT FIND A BAND-AID!” Soldier said, quieter than usual. He continued to stare at the lake, also trying to avoid eye contact it seems.

“That is alright. I do not need one anymore anyway.”

Silence. I took a deep breath, preparing an apology that I hope is well received.

“Soldier? I am… sorry for pinning you to the table.” I said, looking at the lake in front of us, trying to avoid eye contact; not that I could see his eyes anyway. “It was not fair of me to-“

“I HAVE FAILED!” He said, ethier not hearing or ignoring my apology.

I looked over at him, a bit confused.

“Failed?” I said. “It is just a band-aid Soldier.”

“I FAILED THE DATE!” He said, turning towards me, clearly upset. “I SMASHED YOUR FACE!”

“Soldier you didn’t... fail the date.”

Failed? He didn’t fail. The date didn’t go as he had planned, but he didn’t... fail. He was just a bit… too quick to the draw towards the end. Honestly the date was more of a… matchstick? That doesn’t really make any sense as a metaphor...

“YES I DID!” He said, clenching his jaws and fists, He looked angry, although not at me. “AND NOW YOU WON’T LIKE ME!”

Oh.

We sat in silence for a moment, Soldier still sitting on the other end of the log, fists clenched. He was staring at his feet, looking ashamed. Ashamed at how badly he thinks the date went. Ashamed at how he’s possibly lost a friend… no… a partner. 

I shifted uncomfortably, trying to think of what to say. He’s vulnerable, and he looks on the verge of an outburst of either tears or anger. Either option would end in disaster, and both made me feel... awful. 

“Soldier…” I said, scooting a bit closer to him and putting a hand on his shoulder, thinking of how exactly to say this. “I still like you.”

He stared at me in surprise, mouth slightly agape, like that was the first time someone had said anything like that to him. He didn’t seem to know how to react, so he just opted for staring at me in shock. 

I didn’t expect him to react like that. I had hoped he would have livened up a bit and forgiven himself for an action that honestly didn’t need forgiveness (Although I had also prepared for an angry reaction), but instead he reacted with... shock. It was as though nobody had told him something like that in his entire life.

Unfortunately, it may very well have been the first time anyone has said that, or really anything pleasant to him. The other team members don’t seem too fond of him, barely tolerating him, and just seem surprised when he does anything helpful or competent. He doesn’t seem to have any friends other than Scout and Demo, and even then they only really drink together. He’s loud, messy, and has… strange habits and mannerisms that would put him at odds with the other team members. He doesn’t even have any family as far as anyone is aware.

“YOU DO?” Soldier said, still surprised. I smiled at him, trying to coax him into the possibility that he wasn’t as terrible as he thinks he is.

“Of course!” I said. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I’M LOUD!” He said, frowning. 

“Well, yes.” I said, shifting to get more comfortable on the log. “ But that means you can clearly state what you are saying. In battle, it’s very important that you can be heard clearly.”

He nodded, thinking about what I have said. He seemed to agree, although he still didn’t smile.

“BUT I AM ANNOYING!” Soldier said, possibly running through all the… things other people have said to him. “AND MESSY! AND STUBBORN! And stupid…”

His voice trailed off at the end. I thought of what to say next. I took my hand off of his shoulder and placed them in my lap again.

“Soldier, you are… not stupid.” I said. “Stubborn and a bit messy, yes… but not stupid.”

He seemed to be thinking about what I had said, judging from how he was staring at his boots. I wasn’t sure if it had made him feel any better. I sighed, rubbing my face. I’m not as good at this as I thought I would be. 

It shouldn’t be this difficult.

“But you are very courageous.” I said, hoping that would have a good reaction.

His head snapped up in slight surprise, suddenly paying very close attention. I have to be careful about what I say next, since I now have his undivided attention.

“Courageous and brave, although I suppose those two things mean the same thing…” I said, smiling at him.

“I AM?” He asked, still a bit surprised. I nodded, still smiling at him.

“Yes. From what Sniper told me, you went after him when he was shot, remember?”

Soldier nodded.

“While that was a very… unpleasant day for everyone, it could have ended up far worse if you hadn’t come along with us.”

I paused, my smile fading. I looked towards the lake, thinking back to that… horrible night. If Soldier hadn’t come along to help, we may never have escaped. Me and Sniper would have died in that room.

“We May not have made it if you hadn’t helped.”

Soldier nodded solemnly. I could feel myself starting to tense up from the memory. My heart started to beat a little faster, and I could feel sweat beginning to form on my forehead. No, not now.

I pushed those… unwelcome thoughts from my head, returning my attention to Soldier, who was still staring at me in slight surprise.

“You were very brave…” I said.

He deserved it. He deserved every last ounce of admiration I could muster. He’s brash, loud, and yes, occasionally annoying, but he is a very brave man, willing to lay down his lives to save his friends. He can go into danger without a second thought. He’s never hesitated, never shown any weakness, never seemed to feel any fear. He’s… brave. Braver than I could ever be.

“I… AM?” Soldier said, with less surprise this time. He was beaming with regained confidence. “I AM!”

I smiled at him. He didn’t seem upset anymore… actually he didn’t seem like he was ever upset in the first place. Now he seemed like a ball of sunshine. A bright, beaming ball of warm sunshine with a helmet. My stomach felt warm again.

“YOU ARE BRAVE TOO!” He said, grinning at me.

“Yes you…” I said, doing a double take once I processed what he said. “What?”

“YOU ARE BRAVE!”

Brave. Not a word I would use to describe myself, not at all… in fact, I would consider myself quite cowardly. My battle strategy mostly involves back-stabbing the enemy, and only fighting if I know I can beat them or if I can’t escape. No, I’m not brave, I’m a coward. I ran when I should have killed the Pyro on the other team in fear of getting burnt, I ran when I botched an assasination, I ran when I failed to steal the cassette tape from Clauden all those years ago…

“I AM SERIOUS!” Soldier said, breaking me out of my thoughts. “YOU ARE BRAVE!”

“Not… really.” I said. 

“YES YOU ARE!” Soldier said,thinking. “DO YOU REMEMBER THE TIME YOU…UM…”

He thought long and hard. I suppose he didn’t really have a ready answer. I couldn’t really blame him after all, since my job involves taking advantage of the unprepared.

“WHEN YOU ATTACKED CLAUDEN’S BACK!” He said proudly, scaring away the birds that perched near us.

Ah yes, that. 

That was possibly the worst idea I’ve had in a very long time, right next to the time I decided to play baseball with the man who uses his bat as a weapon. Honestly, what was I thinking?! Yes, I did manage to expose whatever was shorting out Soldier’s rockets and healing him, but then he grabbed my foot…

I winced, not really wanting to relieve that situation. I pushed those thoughts out of my mind, rubbing the phantom pains out of my shoulder.

“Soldier that wasn’t really… brave.” I said, now uncomfortable.

“YES IT WAS!” Soldier said with more conviction. “YOU ARE ALSO VERY NICE!”

I… try to be nice, although it’s hard to tell if it works sometimes. It seems to, given how pleasantly the team treated me when I arrived.

“I am?” I said. It’s still a bit hard to believe that I’m nice enough to warrant a compliment, but I don’t think Soldier would lie about that. “Thank you?” 

“YOU'RE WELCOME!”

He was grinning, so I returned the smile. We both sat in silence for a while, just listening to the dying wind occasionally rustle some leaves. 

I looked at Soldier. He looked… happy, happier than I have ever seen him before (except for the second time I agreed to train with him). He was sitting on the log next to me with a smile across his face, looking up at the trees.

Personally, I feel happier than I have in a long time. Whatever fears or worries that normally plague me a night seemed to melt away like snow around a fire. It was… pleasant. Unfortunately, it would have to end soon. Eventually we would have to go back to the base.

“Soldier?” I said, getting an idea.

“YES?” He asked, turning his head towards me.

“Would you like to go out for some coffee tomorrow?”

He nodded enthusiastically, giving me a huge grin. I stood up, brushing myself off.

“Alright. In that case we should probably head back.” I said. “It’s getting late, and I wouldn’t want to be tired tomorrow.”

Soldier stood up, now excited.

“TOMORROW YOU WILL HAVE THE BEST CUP OF COFFEE YOU HAVE EVER HAD!” He said, marching down the path.

“Alright.” I said, following him. “I’m sure I will, Soldier.”

We walked down the path, enjoying our long, somewhat scenic walk back to the base. Snow started to fall around us.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scout gets rudely woken up in the middle of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scout's POV
> 
> Also, I'm sorry about the abrupt change with the wording of Scout's thoughts. It was starting to get too difficult to notice spelling mistakes and I probably shouldn't have done it in the first place, so yea. Head's up.

I woke up to the front door of the base crashing open. Heavy footsteps, and then much softer ones, stepped out of the cold and into the base.

“WE HAVE ARRIVED!” Soldier yelled, probably waking everybody up.

“Soldier, shush!” Spy whispered, trying to get Soldier to shut up. “People are sleeping!!”

“OH.”

Little late for that Spy. At least they’re back. Now Soldier’s probably gonna be upset for a week about the whole face-smash thing. He’s Probably gonna forget about it in two days though, which is nice. Dunno if Spy hold grudges though. He doesn’t seem to, but it can be kinda hard to tell with him.

Actually, maybe I should go apologize to Spy, since it’s kinda my fault the whole date happened in the first place. I mean, I know I would want an apology if I got my face smashed in because some jerk told the guy to try and kiss me. I should’ve known Soldier would screw up.

I got up and trudged towards the door. I wasn’t really looking foward to this if ya couldn’t tell already.

I opened the door to my room and stepped out into the hallway. Soldier walked by me on the way to his room.

“HELLO SCOUT!” He said, slightly quieter than before.

“Hi!” I said. “So… uh… sorry ‘bout not really be in’ all that helpful…”

I scratched the back of my neck, shifting my weight from one foot to another. Soldier paused outside of his door, hand on the doorknob. He started at me for a bit, then cocked his head.

“WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING?” Soldier asked, confused.

I didn’t really have an answer to that. I kinda expected him to just yell at me or just ignor me or something like that. Did he just forget the date was ruined or something? Kinda hard to forget a date ya know! 

“Uhhh… the date! Ya know, when ya smashed Spy’s face with your stupid helmet!” I said

“MY HELMET IS NOT STUPID AND NEITHER AM I!” He yelled, poking my chest with his finger.

“I didn’t call ya stupid-“

“AND SPY ISN’T MAD AT ME ANYMORE!” 

Soldier was smiling. He shouted “GOODNIGHT” and went into his room, leaving me in the hallway, confused.

“Scout?”

I jumped. Lizard had snuck up on me.

“Holy sh-“ I said, quickly stepping back and cutting myself off. “Ya scared me!”

“...Apologies.” Spy straightening a bit. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“So how’d the date go?” I asked.

“Fairly okay.” Spy said, smiling. “I got to know Soldier a little better.”

“Yea I could tell.” I said, grinning. “I thought he’d forgotten about getting pinned to the table, that’s why I asked.”

I laughed, although Spy didn’t. Guess he didn’t think it was as funny as I thought it was.

“No he… remembers that, although he doesn’t seem as… upset as I thought he would be about it.” Spy said, wincing. “He’s… odd… “

“Yea he’s weird. At least you two had fun right? Soldier seemed happy at least!”

He nodded, smiling, and taking off his hat and scarf.

“Yes.” He said, folding the scarf neatly. “I… have to thank you for setting up this…”

“Date?” I said. “Yea it was a pretty good idea!”

“Yes, You did very well, given your limited supplies.”

He tucked his hat and scarf under his arm and looked up at me.

“I did well?” I said, beaming. 

Holy shoot, the date went better than expected? Guess my plan was a success! Man this is great! If the old spy was still around I’d rub it in his face so hard.

“Thanks! Sniper helped too, just so ya know!” I said, grinning. “Don’t forget to give him some of the glory!”

“I won’t.”

He shifted a bit, smile faltering.

“However,” Spy said, his warm smile fading into a somewhat sad and disappointed look. He took a step towards me.

“Crap.” I muttered.

“Next time you have a question, please ask before you do something… untrustworthy…”

Shit. I forgot about the whole getting-him-drunk-to-get-info thing. Now I feel really guilty about that. I think the worse part is he didn’t even seem all that mad, just kinda sad and disappointed about the whole thing.

I nodded, a little embarrassed. “Okay, I won’t do something like that again.”

Honestly, I felt a little bit intimidated by the guy, even though he actually ain’t even that mad. I know he’s probably never going to do anything to actually hurt me, but the guy could be scary if he wanted to be. I think it’s the scar that makes him look all scary. Man I wish I had a cool.

“Alright.” He said, his expression softening. “Goodnight, Scout.”

“ ‘Night Lizard!”

He went to his room, leaving me in the hallway alone. I had a huge grin on my face. The date went okay! Holy crap were they dating now? I can’t wait to ask them! I’ll have to wait until tomorrow though, don’t wanna test Spy’s patience any more than I have already.

So should I just go back to bed? Nah, I’m way too excited to go to bed now. So I’m going to do something even better.

I’m gonna go tell Sniper that date worked!

I grabbed my jacket from my room and flung open the front door, closing it quietly behind me. I ran across the snow-covered ground.

The air was cold and windy as hell. Like, seriously, I probably should’ve grabbed a better jacket because I was already freezing out here. Stupid snow and the stupid not-even-winter yet mountain. Can’t believe we got moved here after only three months in the desert. I liked the desert better.

I finally reached Sniper’s camper, running up the metal steps and pounding on the door of his camper, excited.

“YO SNIPER!” I yelled. “Sniper Sniper Sniper Sni-“

He flung open the door, nearly smashing my face in with it. He looked irritated, and was in his birthday suit like he always was when he’s going to bed. Still never understood why he did that. Seriously why doesn’t he just get pajamas it’s not like they’re expensive!

“SOLDIER I SWEAR TO G-“ he stopped, looking surprised that it was me. Didn’t look any less angry though. “-Scout? what the bloody hell do you want?!”

“Guess what!” I said, grinning. “My date turned out to be a success!”

Sniper stared at me for a moment, processing what I have just said. He let out a long sigh and mumbled something. “Ya couldn’t have told me that tomorrow?”

“I mean, I could’ve but I didn’t want to!” I said, my smile fading. “Also I… wanted to thank you for your help before I forgot”

Sniper stood in the doorway a moment. He looked really, really tired. It was honestly kind of worrying. Maybe I should go tell Doc about it, although he and Sniper don’t really get along that much.

“You’re welcome.” He grumbled, still sounding like he wanted to kill me. “Anythin’ else ya wanna bug me about or are ya done?”

“Did I wake ya up?”

“No.”

We both stood in silence for a little while. I rocked from my heels to my toes, while Snipes just looked like he was trying not to fall asleep. He yawned.

“Ya haven’t been sleeping well have you?” I asked.

“...No.” He said with slight hesitation, rubbing his face with his hands. “I haven’t been.”

“So can ya just not fall asleep or-”

He closed the door, either sick of the conversation or tired of freezing his butt off. Either way he left me out in the cold without another word. No “goodnight” or anything like that. At least he didn’t slam the door, although I kinda wished he did. At least then he wouldn’t look so dead.

I headed back to the building. I was going to wait a little while longer, to see if Sniper would open the door again, but it was way too cold for me to be standing out there in the snow.

Once I got to my bedroom, I took off my shoes and socks and climbed into bed, pulling the covers up to my chin. I wish Engie would let us leave the fireplace on overnight so the base wouldn’t be so cold, but he didn’t want Pyro to get any ideas.

I rolled over, snuggling into my bed.

The date was a success, although I can’t tell if Lizard and Soldier are actually dating now. It’s honestly kinda hard to tell with them. Spy’s way to quiet and private to talk about something like that, and Soldier is… Soldier, so I don’t know if they’re in dating mode. 

Maybe I’ll keep an eye on them and see how it goes. Maybe If I can offer my wonderful expertise and help them stay together. I dunno honestly, I never got that far in a relationship. Shoot maybe I ain’t as good as I thought I was.

I really wish the old spy was here. He was good at this kinda thing. He always knew how to talk to women and get them to like him. Heck, he could probably talk to anyone and get him to like him.

I rolled over again, staring at the ceiling. My eyelids were feeling kinda heavy, but there was still something bothering me. Something was eating away at the back of my brain.

I think I miss ‘em. Yea, that’s it. I miss the old spy for some stupid reason. Dunno why though. He didn’t really like me all that much. Actually the only guy he even pretended to be friends with was Sniper. 

So why do I miss him so much? I mean, he helped me get a date with Miss Pauling, but that’s because he thought we were all going to die. Why the hell did he even want to help me? He could’ve said no and enjoyed his last few days, but no! He decided to help for some stupid reason! It was almost like he cared or something.

I rolled over again, eyelids getting real heavy now. I’m sure I’ll be able to help Spy and Soldier out, even without the old spy’s help. Yea, it’ll be great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for the next story!


End file.
